I'm saying 'Boo!'

So... it has been brought to my attention (multiple times...) that I am a very negligent blogger. Popping on to say 'Boo!' :) I will be working on getting up some posts for the New Year, but for now, rest assured that I am indeed alive and well and will be posting. Finally, I'm saying 'Boo!' to my illness rather than it saying, 'Boo!' to me every morning :)

Love & happy holiday wishes to you all!

Boundaries

The memory of the phone conversation is still fresh, even though it happened some time ago. I wasn't looking forward to it before it started, nor do I have pleasant memories of it afterward. It was one of those conversations where you feel as though you have been elected into playing a game of Truth or Dare, in spite of all protests. Trapped.

Lately, I've been feeling less like a victim and more in control when I find myself in a situation such as the one I describe above. I have a few secret weapons that I carry concealed with me for just these occasions. 

My first secret weapon is the power of saying 'No.' You see, this isn't a game of Truth or Dare, and I'm pretty sure people lie in that game anyway. If someone asks, "Truth: tell me about ________," I can smile and say, "Why do you want to know?" or, "Is that really any of your business?" Another similar secret weapon is tailoring my answer so that the audience I am addressing is satisfied. This removes me from a situation where I will be put on the defensive. 

My most important secret weapon is that of boundaries. You have no idea how helpful these can be! They are similar to saying 'no,' but usually a bit more gentle with less appearance of rudeness ;) The beauty of boundaries is that I can set up a unique set of boundaries based on the circumstances I find myself in or the people I am interacting with. Boundaries are always in flux, but I am always careful to define them. 

What leaves a bitter taste in my mouth is when people ignore my boundaries, hurting me. Usually these people are terrible at enforcing their own boundaries. They have no idea that it is okay to say 'no.' They have no idea what you mean when you say 'no.' (Think puppy....) 

What is tricky is that as a person, you may or may not recognize your own tendencies to violate or respect the boundaries of others unless you ask those around you. For years I knew an older woman who had NO sense of the boundaries of her family, yet had a very clear and active sense of justice when her own boundaries were violated. But she is learning now by life experience that boundaries are important for everyone, not just her. She is improving. And it is beautiful to watch. On the other hand, I feel as though every time I encounter a young woman who has a poorly defined sense of personal boundaries or the boundaries of others, I don't even want to be friends with that person any,ore. It's too risky... too dangerous.

Thoughts on treating all people with honor, dignity, and respect.... Consider your boundaries, and those of the people surrounding you.

(There is a book out right now by Cloud and Townsend called Boundaries. I've only been able to skim it myself, but I have been told that it is good.)

Looking Back

You know how every now and then, you feel like you are watching a movie of your life, rather than living it? How you look at the person you are with and thing, "Is this real, or just a dream?" Maybe I'm the only person who ever has these out-of-mind, out-of-body, life-is-surreal experiences. I'm hoping I'm not, or else I've probably confused and lost all of you by now. :)

I have had a two of those experiences over the past week. One, while spending time with Tina, my fellow mono-buddy at her lovely house in Sylva. We sat in the shade on a hillside, creeping up and back towards the forest behind us as the coolness provided by the shade receded. As we shared our memories and talked about how chronic illness had complicated our lives, I got this distinct feeling that I was there, but I also wasn't. I knew I was talking about my life, and I knew this was the Tina I lived with in North Carolina... but... it almost didn't seem like it was my life. Or that it was my Tina. Maybe it's related to that old adage, "You can never step in the same river twice." Or something very like it.

Last night, I had another one of those experiences I was sharing about at the top. I was at a Bible study group for the first time with four complete strangers. I felt like such an oddball. I haven't met truly new people in such a long time. Almost always when I meet someone, I already have some connection to them. We have a mutual friend, we go to the same school, we read the same authors, something. Here, there was next to nothing. I think part of the reason I felt that way was because I am still trying to figure out who Camille is in light of the three-year-young illness I have. It wasn't a bad or uncomfortable feeling, exactly. It just was. It was a fact. I was new. I was in control of what these people knew about me.

And yet, I chose to tell these complete strangers about my illness. As things happened, it was pretty neat. The study group wasn't actually studying anything last night; it was more of a social time, which was great for me - eating good food, and sharing our favorite books. I brought with my a copy of Polishing God's Monuments. (For my full description of the book and information on where to get your own copy, check out this older post.) After introducing my favorite author P. G. Wodehouse, I began telling them the story of Juli Andrews, whose story has a lot of parallels to my own. In college, she contracted an extremely virulent Epstein-Barr virus infection, and that was the beginning of her long battle with CFS/ME and multiple chemical sensitivities. Juli faced other problems later in her life as well, including surviving ovarian cancer. After sharing the book, I told them that my story was similar. Like Juli, I came down with EBV which just... stuck. I mentioned the term "chronic fatigue syndrome" a few times. And then, it hit. One of the girls asked, "So, what exactly is chronic fatigue syndrome?"

My mind went blank... numb. What is chronic fatigue syndrome? What is this monster that has dominated my life? What really is it? That's the million dollar question, right? Because no one really knows. No one knows where it came from or why it is so radically different from case to case. But we know one thing: It is Real. Time froze as all of the last three years have came flooding back in a wash of emotion. Chronic fatigue syndrome? It's just plain hard.

I did give a medically valid explanation, quickly stating that "chronic fatigue syndrome is NOT just being tired all the time." I paraphrased the ICC's journal article and explained how CFS is a multi-systemic neurological disorder that effects the respiratory system, the immune system, the CNS, and the mind. I explained different theories, the similarities of CFS to other more well-known illnesses like Lyme's disease and auto-immune disorders.

But I still couldn't tell them... really tell them... what it was like. They know it screwed up my life plans, but do they really know? Does anyone, other than fellow sufferers? I told them about CFS, but I didn't tell them about food allergies, candida, chronic sinus infections, insomnia. I didn't tell them about the difficulty of holding down a job, maintaining friendships, keeping up with the world and all its pain, or the high divorce and suicide rates of CFS patients... or even the more minor issues like how hard it is to get out of bed and feed yourself. I didn't tell them about brain fog, chronic pain, doctors who don't understand, the expense of treatment, or specialists. I couldn't. How could I?

Chronic fatigue syndrome... It's hard. Just plain hard.

Rumors & Heartbreak

And that's how rumors get started. -- Andy Palmer

Dear Readers,

Rumors are a tricky business. They occasionally start as a bold, blunt truth shared in a passionate moment and recirculated outside of the original audience, but more often than not, they begin as an outright lie engineered to cause harm. Or sometimes, it can be a mix of both. A grain of truth is mixed with a generous portion of untruth, and the purpose might not be specific harm to an individual, but rather as a means of self-promotion for someone desiring to be viewed as a source of information. I write all this because recently I have been learning some of these things by first-hand experience. There has been a particular rumor circulated about me, and it is that I have a broken heart. In the remainder of this post, I want to address this rumor head-on. The fact is... I do have a broken heart.

I have a heart that is broken by the brokenness, pain, and sin in this world. My heart is broken by lies, deceit, slander, and rumors. But it is most deeply broken, battered, and bruised by believers whose deeds do not align with their confession. It is broken when those lying, broken, slanderous, sinful people are in the church. The rumor is true: my heart is broken. Not by one person (although one person did the bulk of the damage). It was broken, is broken, has been broken by the church.

Not The Church as in The Universal Body of Believers in Jesus Christ Everywhere. Dare I even say it, my heart has been broken by people in the church that I attend. Not everyone there has inflicted this wound. There are a few people there who genuinely love me and whom I love as well. But there are a number of people there who... well... don't seem to care. They are gossips. While I wouldn't walk up to any single one of them and say, "Oooooooh, so it's you who all those verses were written to about gossiping!" (although I would love to, just to see the looks on their faces), I know who they are. Moreover, they know who they are. I doubt if any of them will see this blog post, or if they will even care.

But just in case they do, I want to let them know: you really hurt me. I am not titanium. I am made of a precious, soft, malleable metal that we like to call gold. But, again, just in case, I also want them to know something else: it doesn't matter. I mean, it does. It matters to God that I have been lied about. But it really doesn't matter to me what has been said to others. Because I am bigger than that. I am stronger. I have been made stronger. I'm not petty enough to start any rumors about them, but I will speak out with the truth.

Thankfully my heart doesn't stay broken, hurt, confused, or angry, and I will not allow it to become bitter. The world is too beautiful for dark thoughts. It is bright, cheerful, happy, lovely, loving, loveable, and real.

So I will laugh, dance, sing, and (when my lungs and legs allow it), run. I will spend hours lying in the sun, work hard at my wonderful job, bake cookies for my best friend's graduation party, and squeal over wedding plans. I will take pleasure in reading novels, stamping cards, cooking gourmet meals, celebrating birthdays and accomplishments, taking long walks, and encouraging friends in person or while talking on the phone. I won't allow lies, deception, and slander to keep me from the beautiful sunset, the green of spring, the blessing of growth and life, or any other natural enjoyment.

Church, you really make me cry sometimes. But only because you're not perfect. Only because you're not pure. Church is supposed to be a piece of heaven on earth, but let's all admit it; it's not, and we know it. We're still humans in the process of sanctification. And heaven's going to be a whole lot better. There, there will be no tale-bearers, no liars, no gossips. There will only be Lovers and Our Love. And the rumors of yesterday won't matter Then, so I won't allow them to dampen my enjoyment of today.

Church, you make me cringe in fear. You make me want to hide. You make me doubt the goodness of the world at times. But not today - and not right now. Because I know that it isn't really The Church's fault. It is, because The Church and the church have done some pretty nasty, terrible, wicked, sinful things. But not because you were The Church or the church - because it is in the darker side if your nature. So now I appeal to the other side of that nature - the redeemed part. The whole part. The loving part. Do the right thing. Pursue unity. Be love. It's love or die, isn't it?

And that's all I have to say about that.

Whatever is healing,
Nella Camille

HOW to Ask

My friend over at LymeLight recently wrote two fantastic posts on what to say or NOT say to a person battling a chronic illness. I really liked her suggestions. They were practical, down-to-earth, and reasonable. One of the most common questions to not ask is something like "What are your symptoms?" Sometimes even "How are you?" can be a very overwhelming question.

My mother and other question-driven, interrogative-loving people like her often struggle with what to say and what not to say (or should I say, what to ask, and what not to ask?). But there's a simple solution out there. It's a preface - a disclaimer - a means to healthier communication. 

In this post, I want to address not only what to say to a person who is facing chronic illness, but how to say it. Or, more precisely, how to ask for information. Often questions and statements themselves aren't problematic; rather it is the manner in which questions are asked that is stressful, discouraging, or unhelpful.

So. What if people asked some of those questions not to ask, but prefaced them by saying something like this...?

"Are you up to telling me how you're feeling today?"

"Would you like to talk about some of your symptoms right now?"

"Is now a good time to ask you questions about Lyme? If it isn't, can you call me when you're up to talking about it?"

This approach to question asking and information seeking is sooooo incredibly helpful for those dealing with a chronic illness. Why?

Because asking, "Are you up for this...?" give me the freedom and option to say "No." 

I'm beginning to realise that these two aspects of communication (one, asking permission, and two, the ability to say yes or no) are absolutely fundamental, but sadly overlooked more often than not. 

Another important facet to communication is realising that every individual is different. For instance, #2 on Warrior's post of things to say is "How can I pray for you?" For me, this was one of the most overwhelming questions to ever answer during the worst part of my illness. In fact, the only more stressful question was probably "How are you doing spiritually?" That was one reason I created this blog. I needed a place where I could answer too-stressful questions like that in one place for everyone to read. 

To this day, if you ask me a question like that, I might him-an-haw and beat around the bush, simply because I'm not up for answering. Don't take this as a personal thing. If or when I become comfortable, I may choose to confide in you. But if I don't, understand that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I need boundaries in my communication with others for my own personal protection. And one great, easy way for me to set boundaries is to say, "No." And one great way for you to help me out in protecting my still-limited energy resources is to ask, "Is this okay...?" or "May I ask....?"

Just some thoughts, from me to you. :)

~Nella

The Things I Remember... And the Things I Forget

It really is funny the things our brains choose to remember. I was talking to some friends last Friday evening, and one of my best friends was talking about when she first came to our church. "It was an Easter Sunday," I remembered. "You were wearing a green sweater." This kind of memory wouldn't seem all that incredible... except for the fact that I can't seem to remember silly, mundane, day-to-day things like if I've taken my meds yet or not.

So that I'm not laughing alone, I thought I could share some of these moments with you.

Can you tell what doesn't belong in the knife crock?
(Hint: It's pretty small, and it's orange.)

I know this is small, so it's hard to tell...
but I didn't clip my pinkie nail.
Happens. ALL. The. Time. !!!!!

And (I don't have a picture for this one, but...) I forget to order supplements I need when I place my ginormous Vitacost orders. #headdesk. Good thing we have The Vitamin Shoppe and Wegmans!

In other news, this is my 100th post on Peek-a-Boo! Yay! :) And it's the first day of Spring! Double, triple, quadruple yay! Now, for it to get warm. =D

And another 'chronic' is added to the list...!

Hello, you faithful handful of readers. :)

It's been a while since I've blogged, I know. Between candida cooking, starting work at Jackson Plumbing at the end of February and the same day coming down with a second bad cold of this winter, I've had my hands full. I had a phone appointment with Dr. Conley last week and he thinks these colds are really flares of a chronic sinus infection. That makes sense to me. Trouble is, I've never had a sinus infection before, so I was clueless on how to treat it. I started out treating for a cold: olive leaf extract, vitamin c, zinc, oil of oregano, and various herbal teas. But now I'm starting to get into the down-and-dirty let's-blow-this-baby-out-of-my-mucosis-membrane phase.

So the question is, how does one naturally treat a chronic sinus infection? Antibiotics are out of the question for me. My gut has enough issues.... Up to this point I've been trying to work with it by doing some pressure point/manipulation a to attempt to get the sinuses to drain. These seem to work well, especially in the morning. I wake up stuffy, do some of these, and can usually tell a difference within several minutes.

Today the fatigue struck along with the sinus pressure, so I was unable to do those. But I found out about this really cool contraption called a neti pot. It's a little tea pot sort of pitcher that you use for nasal rinsing. Unfortunately, I don't have one -_- I tried to improvise one this afternoon, but it didn't work out so great. But something similar worked. I read a blog about a young woman who naturally treated her chronic sinus infection. She was also dealing with candida (which, incidentally, causes sinus infections. Dur....). She visited a naturopathic doctor who soaked cotton balls in essential oils and stuffed them up her nose. I tried this with a few drops of peppermint and lavender. It burns like all get out, but if you can distract yourself for 10-15 minutes and leave it in there for that long, it does seem to help. I am contemplating doing this with oil of oregano tomorrow as well.

In other news, I am considering a completely grain free diet starting soonish. I've been having some not-great digestion even with the candida diet, so we'll have to see what I can do about that. More supplements are on their way from Vitacost, which will hopefully assist in this adventure. :)

Thanks for reading, and best of luck on your journey towards healing.

Camille

P.S. written on my mini; kindly pardon any typos or auto-correct non-corrects ;)

Secrets: Healthy Hair

A few weeks ago I was out running errands with my dad. One stop was the library to drop off a book of Stefan's and pick up one for me. I was feeling fairly fizzy that day. The sun was shining, it wasn't too cold, and I actually felt healthy from top to bottom. As I checked out my book, the librarian handed it to me and said, "Wow! You have really beautiful, healthy hair!" A big grin split open my face. It wasn't the first time I've heard those words recently. It's a fact; my hair has been getting healthier as I do. "Thank you!" I returned brightly, and left the library, truly feeling beautiful and healthy.

Truth is...

...my hair hasn't always been healthy. I've been growing it out for what seems like years and finally it's obliging by actually seeming longer than it's been when I started. When I first got sick, the shampoo I was using really started to bother my hair. It was a more natural brand that what I'd been using, but it left me with a ton of dandruff and actually felt as though it was burning my scalp. I literally remember scratching my head and being able to see white come down on my clothes or the floor, like a little mini snowstorm. I quit that product and tried another one. Four or five shampoos later, I was still having the same problem. It seemed to get better after making the switch from daily to every-other day washings, but the problem persisted.

The vicious cycle

At some point I learned about how shampoo and conditioner work. Shampoo works as a detergent, stripping your hair of its natural oils. Then conditioner revitalizes the oils with synthetic ones. Shampooing has to be done every day, or else we complain of oily hair. Really, this is just the body's attempt to over compensate for the fact that you are stripping its natural oils on a regular basis. So you're into a vicious cycle.

My journey from 'Poo to No 'Poo

My first attempt to stop using conventional shampoo (or "no 'poo!!" as it is known in the natural community) was to try conditioner-only washing. Instead of being dry and flaky my scalp became super-duper oily. It looked unhealthy. But I was committed to making it work, so I stuck with it for a while. I understood "the purge" concept - that after using certain chemicals for so long your body reacts when you remove them or change do a different product.

My hair looked so bad and I was still having to wash at least every other day that I thought maybe it would be worth it to try washing my hair with just plain soap instead of shampoo. So I went out and bought Kirk's Castile bar soap. This lathered well and was fragrance free, and I was determined to be happy with it. But it wasn't working. I was trying to wash my face with it as well and the skin underneath my eyes was itchy, burning, and overly tender. My scalp was a little better, but not much. I stuck with it for a few weeks and finally gave it to my mom and said, "I can't take it any more! You use it!" (She switched to using Kirk's Castile instead of body wash about the same time I started using it for hair.) Since this time, I discovered I am allergic to coconut, and since castile soap is coconut based, I have a feeling this is why this product did NOT work for me at all!

I then switched to another bar soap called Yardley which has been made in London since the 16th century. I did not try this soap earlier because I knew it contained fragrance, and I wanted something that was fragrance free. But despite my preconceived ideas, my hair actually did better with Yardley than it did with the Castile soap. I was close, very close. I wasn't using shampoo, I was down to washing my hair about three times a week, and it was getting healthier. Oh, and by the way - my mother also switched from Castile to Yardley. Although Yardley does not lather and foam as much as Castile soap does, it gently exfoliates and doesn't leave a scum residue in the bathtub.

And back to poo!

One day while in The Vitamin Shoppe with my mom, I decided to scour all the ingredient labels of the natural shampoos to see if there was one that was not coconut based and that contained no sulfates. And I finally found one! It was even on sale! I proudly brought home a bottle of Biotin Shampoo by Millcreek and tried it at soon as possible. It does not lather, and it is more of a liquid gel than most shampoos, but it works for me. I love the pleasing peppermint-y smell of this product!

I wanted so badly to be a "no 'poo" person, but it just didn't work for me. But you know what else? I've found a product that...

1.) Makes my hair feel healthy.
2.) Makes my hair look healthy.
3.) Nourishes my scalp.
4.) Costs me about $1 a month.
...and... (you might or might not believe this)
5.) Enables me to wash my hair - not once every other day, not three times a week, but once every four or five days!

If I would have told the librarian who checked out my book, I don't think she would have believed me. But it's true. I still condition (I use Suave Naturals, which has done very well for me for many, many years), and yes, I still use 'poo, but *shrugs* my hair is happy. My hair is healthier, shinier, cleaner, and more beautiful than its ever been, but I wash it less and spend less on hair care product.

Who knew? :)

Buy it here from Vitacost, or here from the Vitamin Shoppe. They have other kinds I want to try, but some of them contain sulfates, which I shun, so just check the ingredients thoroughly before purchasing if there are particular things you are wanting to avoid for yourself. :)

Do you 'poo or no 'poo?

~Nella Camille

Thankful Things

The pleasure of serving other people.
I baked all these cookies for my dad and didn't eat a single one!
#candidawillpower

Essential Oils Diffuser
(doTERRA)

The ability to be able to be back to work!
(Jackson Plumbing)

The joy of visiting old people and shut-ins

Cinnamon cocoa! I will post a recipe soon.
(It doesn't really have any cocoa in it, so... don't be too disappointed.)

Little friends

Okay, this isn't just oatmeal and yogurt... though I am thankful for those things!
This thankful thing is thankfulness for the energy & capacity
to now make my own meals without feeling completely exhausted afterwards. 

Time well-spent with good friends, making memories. And Starbucks. :)

Why It Matters: Everything Has A Reason

We've all seen the meme. We all have heard the stereotypes. And we're all tired of having to explain. Having a chronic illness is hard work.

Oh, and we all know the other one, too, right?

Both quite true.... :)

But now, let's be serious. If you are reading this, you probably know the truth about what it is actually like to have a chronic illness. This is because either you have a chronic illness yourself, you are a caretaker for someone who is fighting a chronic illness, or you are very close to someone who is in one of those two positions. 

Life is hard. I've never been a fan of makeup, but from what I've been told, it saves some of us chronically ill people from scaring the world half to death. We're pretty good liars and disguisers of pain. And most of us have learned when it is and when it is not appropriate for us to venture out into society. Maybe its only certain hours, certain days, or during certain times of weather. The ugly truth is: we are not free. We are bound - restricted - against our will. There are events that we would like to attend that simply fall outside of the parameters of our ability to be physically or cognitively present. This is why attending school, holding a job, or sustaining friendships or a relationship can be particularly challenging to those who do battle with bacteria, viruses, and infectious diseases every day. 

Today I want to specifically talk to you about church attendance while you have a chronic illness. The way of life I have been describing is NOT just my reality, dear readers. It is reality across the board for all believers in Jesus Christ battling cancer, fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, lupus, MS, or RA. 

We chronic sickies at times have all felt different... purposeless... useless... lost... sometimes uncared for... defective.

Lies, lies, lies. 

But as these lies set in, it is so easy in our weakened condition for us to give in to them. It is so easy for us to say, "No one will notice if I'm not at church again. It doesn't matter that much anyway." We find it easy to be invisible, just like our illness. For me, invisibility was necessary. It was the path to healing. But I couldn't be invisible to everybody. I needed someone - something. 

Thankfully, I had friends. I had people. You know who you are; you are probably reading this. I had Trial Buddies and I have Drug Buddies and I have a CFS/ME Buddy. I had caring relatives who did all they could. They didn't let this mat of algae wash up on the shore; they splashed themselves up underneath me and supported me. Not all of it was spiritual. A lot of it was physical. My wonderful BFF Hannah came and sat with my while my parents were out at church or other places, and we would watch movies together and explore forbidden, frozen delights such as iced coffee and ice cream. Everyone did what they could. And it was good. I was thankful.

If you are reading this and you have a chronic illness, let me speak to you specifically. Actually, let me change that. If you are reading this and you are in what feels like a never-ending struggle in any area, let me speak to you right now. You are not alone. No matter what the enemy says. You matter. Church matters. The church matters to you, right now. 

Why? Why does it matter? Because you can't be a new humanity on your own. You cannot support yourself, encourage yourself, convict yourself, serve yourself, utilize your gifts for yourself, hold out hope to the world, worship, pray, give, love, or discipline all by yourself. You need others to depend on, rely on, uphold you. That's why God ordained the Church. Not just believers, but believers in the context of local churches, part of a larger global church. 

"You can't be a new humanity on your own" (Professor Abner Chou). What is Abner talking about? It goes all the way back to Genesis 2, when God breathed the breath of life into Adam. He did the same thing in Acts 2 to the church at Pentecost when he breathed His spirit into the church. This connection is profound. It tells me - it tells the world - that although humanity failed in Eden, it will not fail ultimately, because God has a plan. He has a plan of redemption. And so, this thing we call "the church" is important... because it is part of that plan. And as members of the church, we too can be part of that plan. 

Oh, it matters if you are in church - whatever that looks like for you, even if its not being physical present - with or without a chronic illness. It matters. Everything matters. Everything has a reason. 

And now. A word to the other class of readers. To those who do not have a chronic illness. To those who are not in some kind of struggle that feels endless. To those all around. Be encouragers. Find ways to make your pals with chronic illness part of this new humanity. Find out ways to hold out hope to them and with them. Visit them. Send them cards. Read to them, don't just give them a book to read. Involve them in sedentary ministry: bulletin folding, envelope stuffing, prayer partnership, etc. Call them. Talk to them. Read their blogs (hehe). Give them things to laugh about. Enjoy your local church to the fullest. Serve deeply. Give radically. Love... just love. 

We're all in this together. You can't be a new humanity without me, and I can't be a new humanity without you. We are a body. We hurt, heal, and live... together. 

Just a little part of the big body,

Camille

P.S. Listen to Abner's message. It is amazing! It made me more excited about church than I have been in a long time. He also answers some other really relevant questions in this message. Listen on that page, or download it and keep it on your iPod. Listen... repeat. Listen... repeat. I've already listened to parts of it at least three times. It's good; trust me. :)

Day 21

Three weeks of the anti-candida diet already. It's hard to believe for me they've gone by so fast! I very seldom have food cravings or am tempted to slip, and when I am, I remember my silly "vow, oath, and solemn promise" I wrote out for myself on day one. I've made a few accidental slips. For instance, in trying to see how my body would react to almonds (which I had been avoiding since mid-November after being told I was allergic to them), I sampled some almond butter I'd bought for myself (back in early November... :P) which I did not realise contained a bit of sugar. Then a few afternoons ago I wanted some cereal, which I almost never eat, but I decided one bowl of rice chex wouldn't hurt me. Guess what? It had sugar. Some gluten free tortilla chips I'd bought for myself also had some evaporated cane juice. Sigh... and they were so good, too! My other occasional "oopsie" is related to food combining. Certain foods are not allowed to be eaten together in a candida diet. A classic example is Spanish rice, which is one of my favorite foods. But grains aren't supposed to be eaten with meat. Accidentally did that twice last week (Tuesday and Friday) and ended up with a headache/cold/fatigue, so I'll have to make sure to NOT do that again!

Other than that, so far, so good! I'm finding tons of yummy new foods. I should write a cookbook when this is over. "100 ways to prepare orange vegetables!" I think I have a vitamin A deficiency, because I'm always wanting carrots, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, and acorn squash! Sweet potato pancakes are my all-time new favorite breakfast food. So delicious! Try them for yourselves! Recipe here is uber simple.

A Defense of Weirdness

In my journey toward healing, I have had to overcome certain self-errected or culturally-erected barriers. I thought the barriers were good and necessary, but I have realised that they are actually unnecessary and, in fact, more than a little silly. What held me back was not a legitimate problem, but rather a fabricated fear. I was scared... of the unknown.

So I took a leap. I did something different. 

For a while, I was almost scared of the steps I had taken. I felt somehow that maybe I had done something wrong. After all, I had been told my entire life it was wrong. But I think... in fact, I'm quite sure... I had been deceived.

There's nothing wrong with alternative medicine. In most cases, there isn't much that's even mystical about it. Practicing yoga, tai chi, or qi gong may have religious overtones in some eastern religions, but they are also perfectly valid forms of (great!) exercise. Meditation, tapping, chakra healing, massage therapy, muscle testing, reiki, acupuncture and acupressure might not have been originally based in science, but their claims have been verified by science over and over again. What I have learned is htat these things work, and more importantly, of what I have tried, they work for me.

It's hard to do something new, something different, something that at first feels a little weird. But who knows? It could be a rewarding experience... if you'll only try.

Blessings on your journey!

10,000 Reasons... #9

Happy Sunday, readers!

Sundays always used to be very frustrating days for me. I was exhausted and never ready to get out of bed. Going to church was almost a painful experience. Either I would drag myself out of bed for Sunday School and be half-asleep by church time, or I would just go for church and still not be awake enough to sit upstairs with the congregation. Due to my many sound and light sensitivities, I opted for going to the physical church building but sitting in my dad's office with my laptop and listening to the live stream. 

I avoided people as much as possible. People required energy, and energy I didn't have. I felt like I was drugged from lack of sleep and just general spiritual lethargy. I wanted to be there, but I didn't. It was a pretty frustrating cycle.... 

In December I had experienced enough healing that I was able to start sitting upstairs during the church service. That was a milestone. I hadn't been doing that since... I don't know... April? I can't even remember when I stopped being able to sing and go to church. Maybe it's good that I don't remember. 

And then there were the haunting questions. "Do you really believe this? Can a God who put you through so much pain and suffering really love you? Why can't you feel Him anymore? Is this Bible true and reliable? What is real? Does any of it matter?" I wavered between cynicism and hope. I struggled, like Jacob, with God. I wrestled with living men, dead men (who wrote books), and maybe even angels. But God prevailed.... Or, I should say, is in the process of prevailing. I still struggle some times. I still rise up and challenge His authority. But I am seeing now. I know. The spiritual healing I've been longing for has begun, at long last, after months and months of darkness. I feel whole. 

I now am interacting on an almost-normal level with fellow church-goers. But I still hadn't been able to sing. It just took too much energy. And with the dark spiritual paths my soul was wandering down, to be honest I didn't really want to. I didn't want to casually affirm what I wasn't certain was true. 

Now, that has changed. And last Sunday, I sang. 

And it was beautiful. Not because I have a great voice. In fact, after not singing for so long, it was pretty wobbly and horrible. What was beautiful was that... it was hardly me. I mean, it was my voice. It was my lungs. And I got plenty tired out. But I wasn't singing like I used to... to show off my harmonies, to stretch my voice, to exercise my vocal chords. I was singing because it was... it was a well... springing up inside of me. And I couldn't hold it in. I didn't even think before I started to sing, I just did it. Automatically. Naturally. Spontaneously. 

Because our God is worthy of being sought,

~Camille

Edited using Pixlr.

Chronic Illness Cat

I have recently made the acquaintance of the Chronic Illness Cat. I like this critter. :)

Photo Credit: Laughter is the Best Medicine

This is so true! Every time I make plans I feel like they get changed on me!

Case in point: last time I got a job and started it in January, I had a cold within two days. What happens on Tuesday evening after my first day at work? I get a cold. Thankfully now I've discovered better ways to get over them, and it's pretty much cleared up now! :) 

HT to "Lyme Disease Warrior" from Laughing at Lyme for making the formal introduction between myself and the Chronic Illness Cat ;) 

Product Review: Ginger Tea

Photo Credit: Google Images

I read in the Complete Candida Yeast Guidebook that Ginger tea was a great digestive aid and went out and ordered a three-pack box from Vitacost. Ginger tea is also recommended for GAPS dieters, so if any of you GAPS people out there know a great ginger tea brand, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on yogi or other brands you may have tried.

As I have mentioned before with other teas, Yogi is generally my favorite brand. Also available from Yogi is their Lemon Ginger, which I would love to try! There's just no place you can go wrong with Yogi teas. They are a great brand, their teas are organic, their boxes are amazing, and they have great quotes printed on the string label. Really, try at least a box. C'mon. You know you want to. :)

However... I must admit, this tea isn't really my favorite when it comes to flavors. I'm not sure if it's the ginger, or if it's the black pepper that is also in the herbal blend... but something in there is awfully strong! This tea does well mixed with Pau d'Arco, and I have a feeling it would be great with lots of honey (if you're allowed that luxury). I think the lemon also might be a good one to try. Next time I think I will get a box of that and decide which I like better.

The "How" of a Simple Life

I have been so encouraged by the recent influx of comments that I have received regarding my recent streak of blog entries! Some have been via email, others verbal, and still others, actual comments on the blog. I love, welcome, and appreciate the feed-back! Keep it coming!

A few of you have mentioned that the theme of the simple life has resonated with you, or has been something you've been working on as well. It seems many people are coming to the realisation that I have as well: we need to stop killing ourselves with convenience, stop to take a deep breathe, and once we do, we will enjoy life.

I think very few people disagree with me that our lives are lived in a fast-paced world and could use a little TLC for the benefit of ourselves and those around us. But we struggle with the how. How can I slow down? How can I afford to? What does it take to live a simple life?

I come to you with answers from Kate Hanley who blogs at Ms. Mindbody. She offers several practical suggestions taking the guesswork out of life. She specifically focuses in her post on self-care. Self-care is an important part of the simplified life, because when we take care of our own selves, we are better equipped to care for others. So, without further ado, here is Kate's list of ideas for better self-care habits.

• Set up some structures - "structure creates freedom"
• Set up a schedule
• Commit to a plan
• Tie self-care to daily events
• Let go of how long ______ "should" last
• Set intentions
• Flip your view of resistance. "The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek" (Joseph Campbell)

Which ones are you already doing? Which ones do you need to work on? I think my strong-point is setting up structure, a schedule, and a plan, but then having unrealistic expectations (such as, I should do _____ for X minutes a day, or I should do ______ at this time of the day) and then become discouraged when I fail to meet them. 

Read Kate's full post here. 

Breathing

"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone." -Blaise Pascal

Pascal was onto something. Mankind does have a problem, and it is two-fold. One, we have forgotten how to rest, and two, we have forgotten the beauty of being alone.


Science has often been compared to the process of trying to move forward in a darkened environment. As you reach forward with your hands, you are sometimes bitten by wild animals; as you shuffle forward with your feet, you sometimes trip over hidden obstacles. But as you move forward, step by step, knowledge increases, and so does the light around you. Moving forward in the dark is a scary undertaking. But thankfully, there are those who are able to conquer their fears and move forward.

I've felt a bit like I've been pushing back the darkness the past several months as I have explored my conditions and ways and means of helping them. Maybe you feel like you are pushing back the darkness as you explore other areas of your life--a new relationship, a different role in life, or a difficult adjustment. Sometimes in life we run into dead ends, road blocks, or unhelpful and unhealthy solutions. But other times we find ones that work, ones that will last, and ones that change our lives.

I've discovered that Pascal's suggestion of being alone, sitting quietly, is a good one. Actually, I discovered it a few months ago and only recently found the quote to go with this post. :) And what is it that I do while I am alone? I breathe. Just breathe. Sitting, quietly, breathing.

You should try it some time. Really. I mean it. I even have special "breathing" songs. This one is one of them. Let me know how it goes! I recommend deep breathing for all kinds of problems, including and especially stress relief, but for good health in general.

Learning to breathe,
Camille

10,000 Reasons... #7 & 8

Hey, faithful readers! Camille buzzing in to report some new blessings and wonderful life developments :)

Last year after the healing I had begun to experience with Dr. Agolli I felt that I was ready to return to work in November-ish. I spoke with some friends about this desire, hoping to get a job in a family friend's business. Things ended up not working out then for that position, but I continued to look online steadily from Christmas onwards. After only one week of job searching, I was hired to work as an administrative assistant, the very position I wanted. Great! Right? Well... not entirely. I wasn't sure about a lot of things with this company. My first warning signs were when the first day I wasn't really doing anything administrative assistantish. I was also being asked to use my personal resources instead of company materials, which led to some interesting situations when I was not always able to do what was asked of me because of limitations outside of my control. After the first two days, I was so bored with the job that I was wondering if I really wanted to stick with it. After the first two weeks were over, I was confused, came down with a cold, and still looking for jobs elsewhere. I contemplated turning in my two weeks notice. The uncertainties of the job were making it a cause of unnecessary stress in my life. I decided to stick it out, and things seemed to get better.

And then, after exactly four weeks of working for this company, I was called into the office and told that there was no work for me for the next few weeks and I would be called when my services were required again.

Great, I thought. I know I didn't really like this job, but... I was hoping to find something else before being done here. I failed to see how this was a good thing. But, as it so happens, it was a good thing. :) The time away from working allowed me to have several weeks to transition into the candida diet, which has proved to be time consuming and labor intensive where food preparation is concerned.

And then, I heard whispers coming from my family friends that maybe there would be an opening soon working for them. After emailing back and forth and a phone conversation, we determined that it was a good time for me to begin working at the office. And so, my training as an office worker at Jackson Plumbing begins today. And did I mention I get to work with my best friend? Oh yeah. Best. Job. Ever. And I haven't even started! Blessing #7 of my 10,000 reasons. :)

Blessing #8 is a person. His name is Peter. Peter and I became good friends at The Master's College where we were fellow students. Peter has an amazing way of listening to and answering questions. Since I've left TMC he's remained in contact with me through phone calls. We usually end up talking for at least an hour, catching up about life, but usually he helps me work through my (many, many, many...!!!) spiritual issues and problems. Last weekend he called and we had a great conversation about some "problem passages" in Leviticus and Numbers. I can honestly say that Peter has played a key role in my healing... from the spiritual aspect of things. Thanks, Peter! Thanks for being a Christ-follower in the truest sense of the word. Thanks for holding out hope to me when others didn't or couldn't. Thanks for always helping me find answers to my questions. Thanks for helping me to feel the presence and power of God again.

Product Review: Pau d'Arco Tea

Photo Credit: Traditional Medicinals Website

I purchased this tea as part of my anti-candida diet as this bark is well known to have anti-candida properties. If you are interested in finding out more about how that specific aspect of Pau d'Arco tea, I recommend that you check out this page. I found and purchased Pau d'Arco tea locally at Wegmans, which is a healthy grocery store we are blessed to have in Erie. I've also seen it at Giant Eagle for a little bit more. Vitacost sells a few different brands.

The brand I chose is called Traditional Medicinals. My impression is that this is a high-quality brand with excellent product integrity. The tea is pure Pau d'Arco herb at a pharmaceutical grade level, so you know you're getting the real deal.

The taste of this tea is... just... strong and just very slightly bitter. It isn't a bad taste, but I find it difficult to drink just this tea by itself. That being said, I usually try to mix this tea with another tea with a more pleasing flavor. My favorite combination is Pau d'Arco with Egyptian Licorice, which I purchase from Wegmans or Vitacost (you can buy in bulk!) as well. The brand I chose for this tea is Yogi. It has a very naturally sweet flavor which adds balance to the strong Pau d'Arco flavor. I should mention, however, that it is not recommended that all people drink licorice tea since it raises blood pressure. Since I have consistently low blood pressure, Dr. Conley recommended that I drink licorice tea frequently as a natural blood-pressure stabilizer. I don't mind; it's yummy! :) Other recommendations of things you could mix it with are raspberry leaf tea. I've tried it with ginger tea, which is alright. Ginger tea is a digestive aid, so it seems that mixing these two teas is a good idea, even if the flavor is not the best in the world. I will be reviewing my particular ginger tea in a few days.

Let me know what you think of Pau d'Arco if you decide to try it!

"Even Though..."

Have you ever filled a water balloon up with too much water and had it explode all over you? It happens to almost everyone at least once. It's not such a bad problem to have when its blazing hot outside in the middle of the summer time. But sometimes an emotional breakdown also happens when it's not convenient... when it's unwelcome.

I think our emotions can sometimes explode on us like a too-full water balloon. Whether it's anger boiling over, scalding yourself and those around you, or if it's sadness that rains down like a cloudburst, we all know the feeling of loosing control of our emotions.

Recently as part of my journey to healing I've been experimenting with different methods of emotional control. One of the helpful techniques I have uncovered that I want to share with you today is called emotional freedom technique (abbreviated EFT), or tapping. It is based on a combination acupuncture/acupressure points linked to energy meridians in the body and positive affirmations. Anyone can learn EFT in a matter of five minutes or less.

I will admit, the first time I was exposed to EFT, I thought it was a little wacky. What can tapping all over your body and talking out loud to yourself possibly accomplish in relieving emotional pressure? Well, surprisingly... quite a lot! More than you would expect, at any rate.

Besides being a bit wacky, I wasn't quite sure that I theologically agreed with some of the premises behind EFT. I wasn't comfortable with being so honest about my emotions. I wasn't comfortable with being okay with them, or with the strange idea of forgiving myself for having them. Being raised as a Christian, I think one thing that is lacking in the evangelical church is a healthy method for dealing with emotions. In fact, I think I was almost taught to ignore and suppress my emotions. This approach is inadequate. Emotions are real. They can be life-dominating. But there are ways of dealing with them rather than whipping out one Bible verse like the proverbial bandaid on a broken bone.

Emotions need to be acknowledged and taken at face value. I appreciate John Piper's remarks in When I Don't Desire God along this vein. Piper is one of the few Christians who I have seen deal with emotions and their place in the Christian walk. In this book, Piper points out that Joy and Delight in God are commands. Hear that? Commands. An emotional response is commanded. You do it - you're good. You don't do it - you're sinning.

So what happens when we don't? We ignore that emotion, right? Um, nooooooo. We pray. We say, Abba, I know I'm supposed to be joyful, but right now I am upset. I am burdened by the challenges I am facing. I am struggling. Please forgive me for my sin, but please help me to obey! Empower me with Your Spirit. 

Do you notice what is different in the Piper approach? There is a stated or unstated, "Even though...." There is an acknowledgement of what is lacking. That's what it's supposed to be like. Emotions were never meant to be denied. If they are, why do we have them? If we deny them, we cannot work through them. And we end up like that exploded water balloon and have a big mess on our hands. So here's an "even though" we all need: Even though your emotions might be out of control right now, they can be controlled. You can control them. The power to do so is within your grasp.

After understanding this and beginning to grasp it's impact on the way I live my daily life, I became more open to EFT. I no longer saw it as something wacky. I began to see it as something I had been looking for all my life without knowing what it is I was really searching for. It was a way to release the emotions healthily rather than to allow them to dam up and stagnate, only be be triggered again at a later time. It was a way to purge my body of long-standing stressors and unhealthy emotional patterns.

Again, as I mentioned earlier, EFT is a combination of using your fingertips to tap on designated points, mostly around the face, and speaking or whispering a series of positive affirmations to yourself. The tapping points are easy and I recommend checking out this article and the diagrams it contains if you wish to learn them. You'll have the hang of it in no time, I promise!

The 'positive affirmations' bit is a little trickier. The idea behind it is that, if you repetitively speak the truth that your heart and soul need to hear, it will eventually become ingrained in your body as a subconscious and steadfast knowledge. We actually do this all the time. Think about your favorite songs, quotes, or what you like to talk about. Don't those concepts and styles become embedded into your very personality? My dad has a playlist of songs he listens to daily. Why? It's his own way of doing EFT, and he doesn't even realize it ;) He is preparing his mind for the action of the day through what he is listening to every morning. What about your cell phone alarm or phone ringtone? All these things send us subtle messages, and our body absorbs them, even if the mind does not make a conscious effort to. It's like this quote below:

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." (Source debatable)

So think of it this way: if you can change your thoughts which are leading to worry, lust, anger, guilt, greed, manipulation... whatever it is you are doing battle with and desire to conquer... then you can change your destiny. EFT assists in that process of changing your thoughts be actually making you think about them (duh) as you articulate those thoughts with precise words, which in turn helps you learn to believe the truth. And, by forcing your mind to recognize your emotions, you are actually following the Biblical command to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). If you constantly think about all the food you want to eat, you will feel hungry constantly and I promise you, you will overeat. If instead you focus on feeling full and satisfied, you will in turn feel that way. If you dwell on your past mistakes, refusing to accept God's forgiveness and refusing to forgive yourself, you will be plagued by guilt. If instead you meditate on the cross and the finished work of Christ, you will be free. And on and on it goes. But you have to acknowledge the sin and look it in the face before the liberation can take place.

I am planning on trying to make some videos within the next few days of EFT sequences written specifically for believers who want to learn more about and practice EFT without the overly emotional, sometimes psychological overtones of most EFT routines available on the Internet. Hopefully I will be able to film and upload them to YouTube within the next few days. So, stay tuned!

In the mean time, you can actually practice EFT to many songs. I like this song below, which I actually use as a regular part of my morning routine because it takes an honest look at emotions and follows the "even though" template, answering the "even though..." with the power and presence of God.

Even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You'd see me through the storm. 

Joyfully yours,
Camille

Product Review: Aloe Vera Juice

Photo Credit: Vitacost

Reason for Use: I ordered this product, as I did the previous product I reviewed, for its anti-parasitic and general wellness qualities. Again, I use this product on a rotational basis--on for a few days, then on to something else, then back to this. My mom is trying it too, for general wellness.

Initial Impressions: The first time I tried this juice, I had not chilled it. (It was sitting in our basement until I was ready to open it.) The flavor was quite strong. It had a sort of zest to it that I wasn't expecting, like drinking straight lemon juice. After chilling it and trying it the second day, it was better and I hardly noticed the crazy flavor I'd detected the first day. The third day I tried it, I actually mixed it with lemon juice and used it when I swallowed my pills, just to see how that would go. I don't think I will do that again, because it seemed stronger again, and now I actually enjoy the flavor of straight lemon juice, so... I'll just have them separately. As with the last product, I have no experience with any other kind of aloe juice, but I am pleased and will most likely stick with this brand for future orders.

Product pros: This is a great product! Not only is it inexpensive as far as aloes go, it is also USDA certified organic! And I was able to get at for a buy one, get one half-off, so since I purchased four, one of them was free.

Product cons: I don't know if I have ever seen aloe sold in glass jars, but it sure would be nice if someone would do that. It'd probably jack up the price, but, I would be happier.

Product Review: Oil of Oregano

Oil of Oregano is well known as a general wellness supplement that many people choose to take in the winter time because it is helpful for fighting colds. I chose this product for its anti-parasitic effect. The first time I took it I simply mixed the drops in water like I usually do, only to be driven to the sink multiple times in a row for a refill on my cup. That stuff is strong! Although this product by Source Naturals has a strong flavor, fortunately I found a way to make it work for me: mixing it with lots of olive oil!  This is a better alternative than mixing the product with water since this is an oil-based liquid, something I knew subconsciously but wasn't thinking of the first time I dropped it into my water. I take this supplement in rotation with several other products, taking each one for about four days in a row before moving on to something else. I cannot compare this product to any other, sadly, because this is the first brand I have tried. But after my 140-some doses run out, I think I will try Oreganol next time! 

Photo Credit: Vitacost Website

Day 9

Just popping in to write an update on how my candida diet is going. I can hardly believe it has already been a week! I have had no substantial cravings for the "forbidden foods" and have been able to keep myself eating a healthy, balanced diet by mentally scheduling my meals a few days ahead of time and keeping a journal as well. At first my appetite significantly increased on the diet. I think that was perhaps just an adjustment factor, and also excitement at getting to try so many different recipes. Now my appetite has settled down a bit, thankfully!, and I'm still moving ahead. I have noticed a significant increase in not only my energy but also my inclination to be active. I also notice a positive emotional impact due to the dietary changes. I have been prone to depression over the course of the past year, but nowadays the depression is very much easier to deal with and nip it in the bud. Stress no longer poisons my system, because I have found healthy ways to deal with it. I think soon I will be writing up some product reviews on the various supplements I've tried and the benefits and drawbacks to them, as well as some of the various ways and means I have found for dealing with stress. So stay tuned! :)

~Nella Camille~

Why I Don't Believe in Miracle Cures

I still remember the surprised look on her face. "You what?"  

I repeated again, "I'm on a special diet and I can't eat sugar."  

"But, there is sugar in everything!" she protested. 

I agreed. "Yes, which is why I'm not even able to eat fruits and have to be careful about my carbohydrate intake."  

I ran into her again at the other end of the store where she asked me how long my diet was going to last.  

"Six months," was my answer.  

"Good luck," she wished me. 

"Thanks!" I'll probably never see her again, but the conversation will stick with me for a long time.

It is difficult to pursue healing. Very difficult. It is time-consuming. It is costly.

It'd be easy if there was a miracle cure out there for Candida albicans, CFS, or cancer... but there just isn't. Progress has been made on all those fronts, but there is just no simple, easy, one-size-fits-all, just-take-this-pill answer.

And... I might shock you when I say... I don't think there ever will be.

There is a very innate, intuitive reason why we all are skeptical of "miracle cures" to our weight loss, health, and pain problems. We all realise that the human body just doesn't work that way. We realise that it takes time and effort for us to cause these problems, and that the solutions will often take longer. It is easy to accidentally cut a garment when removing a tag; it is more difficult to restore the garment to its original state of perfection. We know that the human body works the same way.

The more I learn about health and wellness, the more careful I become. The more I see and discover in my past that I thought was perfectly okay for me to eat or do which has actually caused very deep and lasting damage.

My heart breaks for the poor, exhausted mother who drains her body's precious adrenal resources by taxing this small but vital gland with the strain of numerous morning cups of coffee. My heart aches for the college student eating another cup of noodles because he doesn't understand that it isn't real food. My heart cries for those who were once thin, trim individuals who have succumbed to the toxic lure of fast food and soda, or even "healthy" yogurts, granolas, and juices which are loaded with sugar, preservatives, artificial and genetically modified ingredients.

The reason I don't believe in miracle cures is because almost everything we do stands in the way of allowing some of natures miraculous healing remedies to work. We are building road blocks when we should be clearing roads. We are holding up traffic where it ought to flow. We are ruining our lives with convenience.

And, so, when a problem arises, a process begins.

Our eyes are gradually opened. We've brought this upon ourselves. Our own choices have spelled the ruin of our health. We begin to see, for the first time. We've been tricked. And it isn't easy to take off the blinders, to foster the awareness of what the body truly needs, and to spend time in the kitchen preparing healthy food when we used to just take for granted what we could purchase at the store.

Are you willing to take the time? Are you willing to wait? Are you willing to admit you were wrong, that you were deceived, that you contributed to the state of our own downfall.

I am. Because it's the only chance I have for healing.

I can't sit around and wait for a miracle pill. But I can start rebuilding from the ground up.

When and How I Got Candida

People often wonder, "How long have you had candida? To be honest, I wasn't sure. Until yesterday. That was when I realised exactly when I got candida, and how.

An anti-candida diet is composed of legumes, beans, lentils, whole grains, vegetables, seeds, nuts, and meat. Grains are soaked and cooked, and eaten with vegetables, lentils, beans, or other grains. Grains are never combined with meats, as this hinders proper digestion. Meats are served with vegetables. The carbohydrate content of the diet is purposefully kept low. Probiotics, lemon juice, garlic, and fresh foods play an important part in killing the candida albicans.

Okay, now rewind to February 2010 of my life. I was living in North Carolina at the Mission. My roommates and I had just finished three-month shopping.

Three month shopping?

Yup. Three month food shopping. Buying a three-month's worth supply of food (which ended up lasting six months...) and not making any more trips to the grocery store except for milk and eggs.

My typical diet consisted of cold cereal with milk for breakfast; chicken with rice or pasta for lunch, or maybe a sandwich, or potatoes; and dinner was usually some kind of soup or meat dish.

No whole grains. Improper food combining. Stored food. Frozen rather than fresh vegetables. Grain-fed meat.

Was it any wonder my immune system was working overtime? Was it any wonder my skin was pimply and my hair came out in large quantities in the shower? Was it any wonder I gained weight and felt sluggish by the time spring rolled around? Nope.

And that, folks, is how I got candida. So the moral of the story is, shop for food frequently rather than in large quantities! Shop for fresh foods with whole nutrition. And read all you can about nutrition... before it's too late and you wind up with a nasty chronic bug yourself!

Candida Cooking!

Just photos today. Hope you enjoy the colorfulness!

Working on multiple dishes simultaneously! Chicken salad, freeze-dried herbs, baked cinnamon squash, yogurt-marinated chicken, and roasted garlic.

Parsley, chives, rosemary. 

[about to be] roasted garlic!

Chopped chives and chicken salad!

Last but not least, a clean kitchen... and... my Vitacost order! Almost all of it, anyway. My ginger tea should be here soon. :)

That's all, folks! Happy Valentine's Day!

Love,

Nella Camille

Giving

Before Valentine's Day, thousands of people go out to go shopping to find the perfect gift for that special someone. They really needn't go to all that trouble. They already have a very unique gift at their disposal... but so often it is overlooked, and never given as it should be.

This year, I am involved in a gift-giving process that continues to multiply. So far, I have given my hands to a friend who is having a bit of trouble with her own. I have given my ears to a lady who likes to talk a lot. I have given my very limited artistic ability to some friends who took care of me last year. I have even given myself something--the time, energy, and consideration to prepare healthy meals that I can eat, even going so far as to plan out menus and prepare meals ahead of time.

And the giving will continue. I plan to give my eyes to a lady who can't see too well but loves to read. I plan to give love to another lady who is lonely and doesn't get out too often. And I am sure I will think of other things and ways to give, too.

This gift I am giving... is myself. It is my time, my energy, my talents, my affection, my understanding, and my attention.

It doesn't take a lot of time, energy, or effort to give the gift of yourself. But it means a lot to the one who receives the gift, because it is a personalized gift that can be received from no one else. And, the gift gives back to you. It gives true and lasting joy, knowing that what you did was special to that other person.

What are you giving? What is it giving back to you?

Day 1!

I'm not doing Lent this year. (I never have, you see.) I'm doing something much more difficult. I'm going on an anti-candida diet. As of... today!

As a slightly humorous bit, but also to keep myself accountable to a standard, I wrote this up this afternoon.

     I, Camille W-----, do solemnly swear that from this day henceforth to eat neither sugar, fruit, nor fruit or sugar-containing foodstuffs until my health, conscious, and medical advisory team sees fit to release me from this vow, oath, and solemn promise. 

     I resolve that even when I think to myself, “No one will know,” to call to mind the rememberance, “No man or woman might know. But you will know. And so will the candida albicans in your intestines. And their judgment will be harsher than anyone else’s.”  

     I resolve to starve the candida albicans. 

       Signed with the greatest solemnity,
             CW

Are you participating in Lent this year? What are you giving up, and why are you doing it?

~Nella Camille

Why Your Burden is My Blessing

What's your wake-up routine? Are you one of those people who is a night person, always getting to bed late, waking up tired, and has to hurry-skurry around the house in the morning in order to make it to work on time? Do you drink your coffee on the run, or buy it from Starbucks on your commute? Or are you a Benjamin Franklin type, "early to bed and early to rise," with everything carefully set in order for each day?

I guess I'm a little bit of both. I generally take it easy in the morning, allowing my body to wake naturally, and from then on out following a fairly regular pattern. Get up. Breakfast and pills. Bit of computer time. Make my bed. Exercise. Sometimes walk. Shower. Get dressed. Then my day really starts with whatever food prep, research, writing, or activities I have planned for myself.

I think it's a pretty typical routine for a person in my age and stage of life. There's nothing really that stands out about it too much (except maybe the number of pills that I take). This probably comes across as odd to most of you, but, my favorite part of my morning routine is making my bed. (Yeah, I know. Stick with me.) I know a lot of people aren't too keen on making their beds. But to me, it isn't a chore. It's not a burden. It's a symbol. A right that I have earned, in some respects.

Because... I didn't always used to get up in the morning and make my bed. I used to wake up and just lay there for hours, sometimes days, only leaving it when absolutely necessary. That bed and I used to be pretty tight. No more. Sure, I like my lazy morning in bed every once in a while over the weekend as much as the next gal, but I'm thankful now that when the sun comes up and shines through my window, I can get up and wish it a good morning, say "Toodles!" to that bed for a good number of hours, and live a little.

And I suspect I'm not the only one in the world who is thankful to be able to make his or her bed. Think about this man.

After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda,having five porches. In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had. Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, "Do you want to be made well?" The sick man answered Him, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me." Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your bed and walk." And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.

This Hebrew man went for thirty-eight years without making his bed. Thirty-eight years. I can't imagine. He was probably a paralytic, or at least a cripple. Thirty-eight years with no job but being a beggar. Thirty-eight years without a late-night or early morning walk along the shoreline. Thirty-eight years without dancing, leaping, sprinting, or jumping. Thirty-eight years is a long time.

But then, he is healed. He can do things for himself again. He can not only walk, but he can become a participating member of society again. He can take up his bed and carry it, despite not being able to pick himself up and get into a pool just moments before. Don't miss the detail, because it is important. He took up his bed. He walked. It was a miracle, but it involved a very mundane detail to most of us. But to that man, the act of taking up his bed meant everything in the world. It meant that things had changed.

I write this post hoping to inspire some perspective in you, my readers, who are generally quite well. Your burden--the task you have to do, don't want to do, are putting off doing--is my blessing. What you complain about as an insignificant detail of life, I rejoice in as a sign of healing.

Just remember that next time you straighten the sheets and smooth out the comforter. ~Nella Camille