"What God Hath Wrought"

The Drab Details

I was raised in a... Christian home.
My dad was a... pastor.
My mom was a... stay-at-home mom.
My siblings are... Ian (two years old) and Stefan (eight years younger).
I was born in... Detroit, Michigan.
I grew up... in Erie, Pennsylvania.
I went to school at... home - I was homeschooled from second grade up until high school graduation.
I came to know Jesus when I was... 5 years old. (Okay, this one definitely isn't drab!)
I believe my life's calling is... missions.


Despite having a pretty boring, typical testimony all of my childhood, during my teenage years things started to get... well, a little more interesting.... :)

The Things that Weren't

Growing up in a technological world is great, isn't it? We can lie about our identity and get away with all kinds of things. Unfortunately, I didn't really realise that when I was thirteen. I assumed that since I was truthful, everyone else was as well. However, sometimes liars can teach us lessons. I 'met' some liars online in a guestbook one day. The stories they told... my, they would have made a great television soap opera. In my naivete and gullibility I believed it all until the truth was exposed in the end. But as the law of unintended consequence the sovereignty of God would have it, those lies were used in a powerful way. First Corinthians 1:27-29 say...

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence.

Isn't it funny? How God uses foolish things to shame the wise? How he uses the weak things to shame the might? How He uses things no one else wants to? How even the things that are not true, He can use? That is how I feel about the lies I believed. I believed the stories other people told about their lives, every word. And as I listened, I was moved with compassion, even passion, that I had never felt before. And that compassion and passion drove me to pray as I never had before in my life. I prayed and cried out to God on behalf of the strange, sad, and terrible things that I heard about which were part of these 'friends' lives. And as they asked questions about the sovereignty of God, His purpose in pain, and the Gospel, I searched the Scriptures diligently to find answers. Oh, God used foolish things alright. He used base lies. He used people and circumstances that didn't exist... so that today, I would be ready to turn to Him in prayer... so that I would begin my consistent journaling habits as a means of recording His faithfulness... so that I would pursue knowing Him.

The Rubber Meets the Road

Only after God had prepared me through prayer and time in the Word did He begin to test me personally with real trials and tests of faith. When I was sixteen, my best friend fell away from following after Jesus. I was devastated. I cried and prayed and pleaded the Gospel through my tears. The circumstances were very painful, and I am still waiting and hoping for God to bring this friend back to the knowledge of the truth and to break into his life with the Gospel. I wait for His timing. But the waiting is long, and painful. One of the verses that stood out to me the most during this time of testing was Zephaniah 3:17. It continues to be a beacon of hope to me.

The LORD your God is in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

This is an ongoing trial... a trial that comes to mind often and still stings. But "my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save." I still believe that. He is sovereign over all things. It is hard for me to accept that He has compassion on those whom He will have compassion on and justly damns others to punishment in Hell. I wish He had mercy on all, especially on all those whom I love and love me.

During this time, I wish I could say my faith has always remained strong. But to say that is not true. There were times when I probably said some very heretical things. There were a few times where I just wished my life would end. I found new vision and hope for life by reading the book of Philippians at the recommendation of a friend. I was encouraged by Paul's similar struggle at the end of the first chapter. His conclusion to his own wrestling with desiring death comes in Philippians 1:24-26.

Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith, that your rejoicing for me may be more abundant in Jesus Christ by my coming to you again.

Another verse that stuck out to me was Philippians 3:12 - "because Christ Jesus has made me his own." Isn't that the reason for life? Because we are not our own, but we belong to Him? Because we aren't perfect, but He holds us anyway? With these and other passages as promises, God helped me through this trial.

Peek-a-boo!

This next part will make more sense after I am able to write a post containing some back story from my life, especially August 2009-December 2010. This trial, like the one I wrote about above, is an ongoing test to my faith. I first became sick with mononucleosis (which is caused by the Epstein-Barr Virus, or EBV, from which this blog derives its name) in May of 2010. Today, I suffer lingering and exacerbated effects from that initial illness. There have been several phases, caused by what is possibly a chronic form of EBV remaining in my body. The first phase was about six months long (May-October). The second was during the summer of 2011. The third began in November of 2011 and is ongoing. It is a battle I face on a weekly, daily, hourly basis. "Peek-a-boo!" the virus exclaims. "So, you want to accomplish all these things today? Well, surprise! You're going to be stuck in bed instead!" Sometimes I fight. Most of the time, I've realised it's not worth it to try.

John Piper might be able to say, "I thank you, mono, for my life" (he had mono when he was in college, and it changed the course of his life and spurred him towards the ministry), but... I wickedly struggle, casting side-long glances at God asking, "Why have you made me thus?" And then, lovingly, He reminds me, "Did you not surrender your life to me, all of it? Can I not do with you whatever I will?" And then I cry, repent, and say, "Yes, Abba. You have the authority and right to do all things."

Sometimes it is painfully hard to surrender in this. It is hard to leave behind all and follow Him. Sometimes... it seems impossible. But I have found that Paul is right once again in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10... although I readily confess that I am fighting to boast about these afflictions as he boasted of his.

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distress, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Please... pray for me that I will be strong... but strong only in Him. I have tried to be strong on my own, and I can only fail when I try.

Friendship

I would be remiss if I did not thank God here for the friends He has used along the way in my life - both believers and unbelievers. I will not attempt to name all of them, but I will endeavor to name them in groups.

The Sisters of the Armour
my Mission class of '10
The Tribe, as well as my other college friends who don't necessarily fall into this odd group
my family (this includes extended family)
my childhood friends
my wonderful elderly friends, who write me lovely letters
my roommates, even the shocking ones
my work buddies from Chick-fil-A, Tim Hortons, Crosbys, and the MABC department
my church families at LSBC, GFBC, GHBC, and LHEF
my fellow Rebelutionaries

Thank you all. God comforts me through you. :)