Thursday, September 6, 2012

Feeling Invisible

Have you ever felt that you had a physical invisible need? I've felt invisible needs many times. While trying to simply stand in line during airport security. While trying to make the quickest escape possible without answering any questions. While trying to graciously hang up the phone on a person who just wouldn't stop talking, even though I'd insisted many times I needed to go. While trying to seek solitude, quiet, and peace.

What about emotionally? Sometimes we have invisible emotional needs as well. We need a hug, but everyone thinks we look fine. We need a shoulder to cry on, even though there's nothing really that's happened, we just need to cry. We need someone to listen instead of talk; to comfort instead of chide.

The problem is, invisible physical needs often feed invisible emotional needs. When we can't escape that physical situation, emotional trauma is inflicted as privacy is continually violated, requests are repeatedly refused, non-negotiables are compromised, and attempts at non-verbal or verbal communication seem to fail. And the body seems to have a back-log. If you don't deal with the stress and trauma of one situation, it spills over for days, weeks, months - ignored, but unresolved and still present.

Sometimes this invisible illness and invisible pain make us as individuals begin to feel invisible. I've been feeling that way a lot recently - invisible to the rest of the world. It's one reason I haven't been blogging. But when I feel that way, I am so thankful that I have friends (especially Isaac) who will support me, uphold me, and tell me they love me... and that I am not invisible to them. There's also a great song (called "Invisible" - how fitting) that reminds me of this. I've mentioned it before in a post (with two other great songs). I didn't post the video before, but since its almost Invisible Illness Week, I figured it was a good time. It might not be a style many of you readers will particularly enjoy, so I don't blame you if you don't listen to it, but please just watch the lyrics or look them up. Even if you have never felt this way, it might give you a little bit of insight into my world. And if you are a fellow invisible-illness friend... let me say what no one else may have told you... you're not invisible to me.


 

3 comments:

  1. you are not invisible. Just know that.

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  2. I know what that's like, but in a totally different way... :) My struggle is also invisible. Sometimes I like that. But sometimes... it gets to me. So... well, I know what it feels like, to be alone in a crowd... Praying for you, sister. :)

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    Replies
    1. Invisible emotional struggles such as you are going through, Trial Buddy, are I think quite possibly the worst. There's no telling when it will end, and there is no one quite in the whole wide world who understands the emotions and can sympathize. And there really is no cure, medicine, or treatment aside from the healing that sometimes comes with lots and lots of time. But you do a fine job of clinging and holding onto precious Invisible Hope. Blessings on you as you finish preparing for your trip.

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Disclaimer: If you have a health resource you can't resist sharing, I would love to hear about it if you feel it will be truly helpful. I am already doing my best to fight this illness from a nutritional, structural, as well as medical stand-point. Please avoid comments with "miracle cure" stories about your Aunt Milly's granddaughter who drank coltsfoot tea for a week and has been fine ever since. I'm very thankful it worked for her in her case, but there are so many environmental, emotional, and other factors that make CFS/ME complicated and different from just an average illness. That being said, please leave thoughtful and uplifting comments below.