One of the questions floating around with Invisible Illness Week coming up is, what is it like to be you for a day?
If I had to answer with just a single word, I think today that word would be "Frustrating!" I slept for almost 12 hours last night and still didn't want to get up when I was supposed to. Because of some events that happened yesterday I wasn't able to accomplish certain review work I wanted to do for my online class, and now my brain is unable to focus on the reading assignment for today, which means I'll have to make it up 25 pages of reading another day.
But just answering that question with "frustrating" wouldn't really be fair. It's kind of fun to be me, if you look at it in a different light. I got to sleep for 12 hours last night. Many people don't have that luxury. I also have the luxury of being able to stay in bed snuggled up under a quilt on this chilly Fall day others are working, doing chores, home improvement projects, or paying bills. And I only have one class, so getting behind on a day's work isn't that big of a deal because when my brain is working it doesn't take that long for me to do my homework.
But, to be fair, although most people are envious of what appears to be a lazy Saturday of watching Little House on the Prairie and lounging around instead of cleaning the bathroom, homework, or other activities, there is an invisible component to this day that most people don't understand. I'm not just ignoring the reading and putting it off because I want to be lazy. In fact, right now I am very irritated that I am not doing this homework. I'm not putting it off by choice, I'm putting it off because I must. Every time I look at the book, all I see are words dancing around on the page. If I try to put a bookmark under each line and move it down, that helps, but I'm missing so much important content its not worth it. My brain feels like it hurts (even though brains aren't 'supposed' to feel). There is pressure, tension, and pain. It isn't just a headache, and it is not going away with rest. If anything it is only getting worse.
So... you might wish to be me for a day... because you'd get to watch Little House and blow off your homework... but I might wish to be you... because you get to be active.
It's all how you look at it.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
2 comments:
Disclaimer: If you have a health resource you can't resist sharing, I would love to hear about it if you feel it will be truly helpful. I am already doing my best to fight this illness from a nutritional, structural, as well as medical stand-point. Please avoid comments with "miracle cure" stories about your Aunt Milly's granddaughter who drank coltsfoot tea for a week and has been fine ever since. I'm very thankful it worked for her in her case, but there are so many environmental, emotional, and other factors that make CFS/ME complicated and different from just an average illness. That being said, please leave thoughtful and uplifting comments below.
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Another sufferer made a comment once that stuck in my mind. Most people actually don't want to do "nothing", in fact, the majority of people would feel themselves going bonkers after a few days or weeks of confinement, and not just any confinement but also a reduction of all physical and mental activities that they'd otherwise be able to accomplish within those limitations.
ReplyDelete"Doing nothing" only sounds nice if you get to do all the things you want along the way, even something so imple as a twirl in the hallway on your way to your bedroom. Sadly, illness just doesn't work that way.
Had a healing day (night) here, hoping your day is a peaceful one. :)
Heidi, this sentence really stood out to me: "'Doing nothing' only sounds nice if you get to do all the things you want along the way, even something so imple as a twirl in the hallway on your way to your bedroom." So true!! I remember my chiropractor telling me I should lay in bed and do nothing for a week, not even get on the computer or watch television. Needless to say, the thought was quite appalling. :)
DeleteI'm doing alright, thanks. Getting some of that philosophy reading done. Working hard to not force it!