Why It Matters: Everything Has A Reason

We've all seen the meme. We all have heard the stereotypes. And we're all tired of having to explain. Having a chronic illness is hard work.

Oh, and we all know the other one, too, right?

Both quite true.... :)

But now, let's be serious. If you are reading this, you probably know the truth about what it is actually like to have a chronic illness. This is because either you have a chronic illness yourself, you are a caretaker for someone who is fighting a chronic illness, or you are very close to someone who is in one of those two positions. 

Life is hard. I've never been a fan of makeup, but from what I've been told, it saves some of us chronically ill people from scaring the world half to death. We're pretty good liars and disguisers of pain. And most of us have learned when it is and when it is not appropriate for us to venture out into society. Maybe its only certain hours, certain days, or during certain times of weather. The ugly truth is: we are not free. We are bound - restricted - against our will. There are events that we would like to attend that simply fall outside of the parameters of our ability to be physically or cognitively present. This is why attending school, holding a job, or sustaining friendships or a relationship can be particularly challenging to those who do battle with bacteria, viruses, and infectious diseases every day. 

Today I want to specifically talk to you about church attendance while you have a chronic illness. The way of life I have been describing is NOT just my reality, dear readers. It is reality across the board for all believers in Jesus Christ battling cancer, fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, lupus, MS, or RA. 

We chronic sickies at times have all felt different... purposeless... useless... lost... sometimes uncared for... defective.

Lies, lies, lies. 

But as these lies set in, it is so easy in our weakened condition for us to give in to them. It is so easy for us to say, "No one will notice if I'm not at church again. It doesn't matter that much anyway." We find it easy to be invisible, just like our illness. For me, invisibility was necessary. It was the path to healing. But I couldn't be invisible to everybody. I needed someone - something. 

Thankfully, I had friends. I had people. You know who you are; you are probably reading this. I had Trial Buddies and I have Drug Buddies and I have a CFS/ME Buddy. I had caring relatives who did all they could. They didn't let this mat of algae wash up on the shore; they splashed themselves up underneath me and supported me. Not all of it was spiritual. A lot of it was physical. My wonderful BFF Hannah came and sat with my while my parents were out at church or other places, and we would watch movies together and explore forbidden, frozen delights such as iced coffee and ice cream. Everyone did what they could. And it was good. I was thankful.

If you are reading this and you have a chronic illness, let me speak to you specifically. Actually, let me change that. If you are reading this and you are in what feels like a never-ending struggle in any area, let me speak to you right now. You are not alone. No matter what the enemy says. You matter. Church matters. The church matters to you, right now. 

Why? Why does it matter? Because you can't be a new humanity on your own. You cannot support yourself, encourage yourself, convict yourself, serve yourself, utilize your gifts for yourself, hold out hope to the world, worship, pray, give, love, or discipline all by yourself. You need others to depend on, rely on, uphold you. That's why God ordained the Church. Not just believers, but believers in the context of local churches, part of a larger global church. 

"You can't be a new humanity on your own" (Professor Abner Chou). What is Abner talking about? It goes all the way back to Genesis 2, when God breathed the breath of life into Adam. He did the same thing in Acts 2 to the church at Pentecost when he breathed His spirit into the church. This connection is profound. It tells me - it tells the world - that although humanity failed in Eden, it will not fail ultimately, because God has a plan. He has a plan of redemption. And so, this thing we call "the church" is important... because it is part of that plan. And as members of the church, we too can be part of that plan. 

Oh, it matters if you are in church - whatever that looks like for you, even if its not being physical present - with or without a chronic illness. It matters. Everything matters. Everything has a reason. 

And now. A word to the other class of readers. To those who do not have a chronic illness. To those who are not in some kind of struggle that feels endless. To those all around. Be encouragers. Find ways to make your pals with chronic illness part of this new humanity. Find out ways to hold out hope to them and with them. Visit them. Send them cards. Read to them, don't just give them a book to read. Involve them in sedentary ministry: bulletin folding, envelope stuffing, prayer partnership, etc. Call them. Talk to them. Read their blogs (hehe). Give them things to laugh about. Enjoy your local church to the fullest. Serve deeply. Give radically. Love... just love. 

We're all in this together. You can't be a new humanity without me, and I can't be a new humanity without you. We are a body. We hurt, heal, and live... together. 

Just a little part of the big body,

Camille

P.S. Listen to Abner's message. It is amazing! It made me more excited about church than I have been in a long time. He also answers some other really relevant questions in this message. Listen on that page, or download it and keep it on your iPod. Listen... repeat. Listen... repeat. I've already listened to parts of it at least three times. It's good; trust me. :)

Day 21

Three weeks of the anti-candida diet already. It's hard to believe for me they've gone by so fast! I very seldom have food cravings or am tempted to slip, and when I am, I remember my silly "vow, oath, and solemn promise" I wrote out for myself on day one. I've made a few accidental slips. For instance, in trying to see how my body would react to almonds (which I had been avoiding since mid-November after being told I was allergic to them), I sampled some almond butter I'd bought for myself (back in early November... :P) which I did not realise contained a bit of sugar. Then a few afternoons ago I wanted some cereal, which I almost never eat, but I decided one bowl of rice chex wouldn't hurt me. Guess what? It had sugar. Some gluten free tortilla chips I'd bought for myself also had some evaporated cane juice. Sigh... and they were so good, too! My other occasional "oopsie" is related to food combining. Certain foods are not allowed to be eaten together in a candida diet. A classic example is Spanish rice, which is one of my favorite foods. But grains aren't supposed to be eaten with meat. Accidentally did that twice last week (Tuesday and Friday) and ended up with a headache/cold/fatigue, so I'll have to make sure to NOT do that again!

Other than that, so far, so good! I'm finding tons of yummy new foods. I should write a cookbook when this is over. "100 ways to prepare orange vegetables!" I think I have a vitamin A deficiency, because I'm always wanting carrots, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, and acorn squash! Sweet potato pancakes are my all-time new favorite breakfast food. So delicious! Try them for yourselves! Recipe here is uber simple.

A Defense of Weirdness

In my journey toward healing, I have had to overcome certain self-errected or culturally-erected barriers. I thought the barriers were good and necessary, but I have realised that they are actually unnecessary and, in fact, more than a little silly. What held me back was not a legitimate problem, but rather a fabricated fear. I was scared... of the unknown.

So I took a leap. I did something different. 

For a while, I was almost scared of the steps I had taken. I felt somehow that maybe I had done something wrong. After all, I had been told my entire life it was wrong. But I think... in fact, I'm quite sure... I had been deceived.

There's nothing wrong with alternative medicine. In most cases, there isn't much that's even mystical about it. Practicing yoga, tai chi, or qi gong may have religious overtones in some eastern religions, but they are also perfectly valid forms of (great!) exercise. Meditation, tapping, chakra healing, massage therapy, muscle testing, reiki, acupuncture and acupressure might not have been originally based in science, but their claims have been verified by science over and over again. What I have learned is htat these things work, and more importantly, of what I have tried, they work for me.

It's hard to do something new, something different, something that at first feels a little weird. But who knows? It could be a rewarding experience... if you'll only try.

Blessings on your journey!

10,000 Reasons... #9

Happy Sunday, readers!

Sundays always used to be very frustrating days for me. I was exhausted and never ready to get out of bed. Going to church was almost a painful experience. Either I would drag myself out of bed for Sunday School and be half-asleep by church time, or I would just go for church and still not be awake enough to sit upstairs with the congregation. Due to my many sound and light sensitivities, I opted for going to the physical church building but sitting in my dad's office with my laptop and listening to the live stream. 

I avoided people as much as possible. People required energy, and energy I didn't have. I felt like I was drugged from lack of sleep and just general spiritual lethargy. I wanted to be there, but I didn't. It was a pretty frustrating cycle.... 

In December I had experienced enough healing that I was able to start sitting upstairs during the church service. That was a milestone. I hadn't been doing that since... I don't know... April? I can't even remember when I stopped being able to sing and go to church. Maybe it's good that I don't remember. 

And then there were the haunting questions. "Do you really believe this? Can a God who put you through so much pain and suffering really love you? Why can't you feel Him anymore? Is this Bible true and reliable? What is real? Does any of it matter?" I wavered between cynicism and hope. I struggled, like Jacob, with God. I wrestled with living men, dead men (who wrote books), and maybe even angels. But God prevailed.... Or, I should say, is in the process of prevailing. I still struggle some times. I still rise up and challenge His authority. But I am seeing now. I know. The spiritual healing I've been longing for has begun, at long last, after months and months of darkness. I feel whole. 

I now am interacting on an almost-normal level with fellow church-goers. But I still hadn't been able to sing. It just took too much energy. And with the dark spiritual paths my soul was wandering down, to be honest I didn't really want to. I didn't want to casually affirm what I wasn't certain was true. 

Now, that has changed. And last Sunday, I sang. 

And it was beautiful. Not because I have a great voice. In fact, after not singing for so long, it was pretty wobbly and horrible. What was beautiful was that... it was hardly me. I mean, it was my voice. It was my lungs. And I got plenty tired out. But I wasn't singing like I used to... to show off my harmonies, to stretch my voice, to exercise my vocal chords. I was singing because it was... it was a well... springing up inside of me. And I couldn't hold it in. I didn't even think before I started to sing, I just did it. Automatically. Naturally. Spontaneously. 

Because our God is worthy of being sought,

~Camille

Edited using Pixlr.

Chronic Illness Cat

I have recently made the acquaintance of the Chronic Illness Cat. I like this critter. :)

Photo Credit: Laughter is the Best Medicine

This is so true! Every time I make plans I feel like they get changed on me!

Case in point: last time I got a job and started it in January, I had a cold within two days. What happens on Tuesday evening after my first day at work? I get a cold. Thankfully now I've discovered better ways to get over them, and it's pretty much cleared up now! :) 

HT to "Lyme Disease Warrior" from Laughing at Lyme for making the formal introduction between myself and the Chronic Illness Cat ;) 

Product Review: Ginger Tea

Photo Credit: Google Images

I read in the Complete Candida Yeast Guidebook that Ginger tea was a great digestive aid and went out and ordered a three-pack box from Vitacost. Ginger tea is also recommended for GAPS dieters, so if any of you GAPS people out there know a great ginger tea brand, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on yogi or other brands you may have tried.

As I have mentioned before with other teas, Yogi is generally my favorite brand. Also available from Yogi is their Lemon Ginger, which I would love to try! There's just no place you can go wrong with Yogi teas. They are a great brand, their teas are organic, their boxes are amazing, and they have great quotes printed on the string label. Really, try at least a box. C'mon. You know you want to. :)

However... I must admit, this tea isn't really my favorite when it comes to flavors. I'm not sure if it's the ginger, or if it's the black pepper that is also in the herbal blend... but something in there is awfully strong! This tea does well mixed with Pau d'Arco, and I have a feeling it would be great with lots of honey (if you're allowed that luxury). I think the lemon also might be a good one to try. Next time I think I will get a box of that and decide which I like better.

The "How" of a Simple Life

I have been so encouraged by the recent influx of comments that I have received regarding my recent streak of blog entries! Some have been via email, others verbal, and still others, actual comments on the blog. I love, welcome, and appreciate the feed-back! Keep it coming!

A few of you have mentioned that the theme of the simple life has resonated with you, or has been something you've been working on as well. It seems many people are coming to the realisation that I have as well: we need to stop killing ourselves with convenience, stop to take a deep breathe, and once we do, we will enjoy life.

I think very few people disagree with me that our lives are lived in a fast-paced world and could use a little TLC for the benefit of ourselves and those around us. But we struggle with the how. How can I slow down? How can I afford to? What does it take to live a simple life?

I come to you with answers from Kate Hanley who blogs at Ms. Mindbody. She offers several practical suggestions taking the guesswork out of life. She specifically focuses in her post on self-care. Self-care is an important part of the simplified life, because when we take care of our own selves, we are better equipped to care for others. So, without further ado, here is Kate's list of ideas for better self-care habits.

• Set up some structures - "structure creates freedom"
• Set up a schedule
• Commit to a plan
• Tie self-care to daily events
• Let go of how long ______ "should" last
• Set intentions
• Flip your view of resistance. "The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek" (Joseph Campbell)

Which ones are you already doing? Which ones do you need to work on? I think my strong-point is setting up structure, a schedule, and a plan, but then having unrealistic expectations (such as, I should do _____ for X minutes a day, or I should do ______ at this time of the day) and then become discouraged when I fail to meet them. 

Read Kate's full post here. 

Breathing

"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone." -Blaise Pascal

Pascal was onto something. Mankind does have a problem, and it is two-fold. One, we have forgotten how to rest, and two, we have forgotten the beauty of being alone.


Science has often been compared to the process of trying to move forward in a darkened environment. As you reach forward with your hands, you are sometimes bitten by wild animals; as you shuffle forward with your feet, you sometimes trip over hidden obstacles. But as you move forward, step by step, knowledge increases, and so does the light around you. Moving forward in the dark is a scary undertaking. But thankfully, there are those who are able to conquer their fears and move forward.

I've felt a bit like I've been pushing back the darkness the past several months as I have explored my conditions and ways and means of helping them. Maybe you feel like you are pushing back the darkness as you explore other areas of your life--a new relationship, a different role in life, or a difficult adjustment. Sometimes in life we run into dead ends, road blocks, or unhelpful and unhealthy solutions. But other times we find ones that work, ones that will last, and ones that change our lives.

I've discovered that Pascal's suggestion of being alone, sitting quietly, is a good one. Actually, I discovered it a few months ago and only recently found the quote to go with this post. :) And what is it that I do while I am alone? I breathe. Just breathe. Sitting, quietly, breathing.

You should try it some time. Really. I mean it. I even have special "breathing" songs. This one is one of them. Let me know how it goes! I recommend deep breathing for all kinds of problems, including and especially stress relief, but for good health in general.

Learning to breathe,
Camille

10,000 Reasons... #7 & 8

Hey, faithful readers! Camille buzzing in to report some new blessings and wonderful life developments :)

Last year after the healing I had begun to experience with Dr. Agolli I felt that I was ready to return to work in November-ish. I spoke with some friends about this desire, hoping to get a job in a family friend's business. Things ended up not working out then for that position, but I continued to look online steadily from Christmas onwards. After only one week of job searching, I was hired to work as an administrative assistant, the very position I wanted. Great! Right? Well... not entirely. I wasn't sure about a lot of things with this company. My first warning signs were when the first day I wasn't really doing anything administrative assistantish. I was also being asked to use my personal resources instead of company materials, which led to some interesting situations when I was not always able to do what was asked of me because of limitations outside of my control. After the first two days, I was so bored with the job that I was wondering if I really wanted to stick with it. After the first two weeks were over, I was confused, came down with a cold, and still looking for jobs elsewhere. I contemplated turning in my two weeks notice. The uncertainties of the job were making it a cause of unnecessary stress in my life. I decided to stick it out, and things seemed to get better.

And then, after exactly four weeks of working for this company, I was called into the office and told that there was no work for me for the next few weeks and I would be called when my services were required again.

Great, I thought. I know I didn't really like this job, but... I was hoping to find something else before being done here. I failed to see how this was a good thing. But, as it so happens, it was a good thing. :) The time away from working allowed me to have several weeks to transition into the candida diet, which has proved to be time consuming and labor intensive where food preparation is concerned.

And then, I heard whispers coming from my family friends that maybe there would be an opening soon working for them. After emailing back and forth and a phone conversation, we determined that it was a good time for me to begin working at the office. And so, my training as an office worker at Jackson Plumbing begins today. And did I mention I get to work with my best friend? Oh yeah. Best. Job. Ever. And I haven't even started! Blessing #7 of my 10,000 reasons. :)

Blessing #8 is a person. His name is Peter. Peter and I became good friends at The Master's College where we were fellow students. Peter has an amazing way of listening to and answering questions. Since I've left TMC he's remained in contact with me through phone calls. We usually end up talking for at least an hour, catching up about life, but usually he helps me work through my (many, many, many...!!!) spiritual issues and problems. Last weekend he called and we had a great conversation about some "problem passages" in Leviticus and Numbers. I can honestly say that Peter has played a key role in my healing... from the spiritual aspect of things. Thanks, Peter! Thanks for being a Christ-follower in the truest sense of the word. Thanks for holding out hope to me when others didn't or couldn't. Thanks for always helping me find answers to my questions. Thanks for helping me to feel the presence and power of God again.

Product Review: Pau d'Arco Tea

Photo Credit: Traditional Medicinals Website

I purchased this tea as part of my anti-candida diet as this bark is well known to have anti-candida properties. If you are interested in finding out more about how that specific aspect of Pau d'Arco tea, I recommend that you check out this page. I found and purchased Pau d'Arco tea locally at Wegmans, which is a healthy grocery store we are blessed to have in Erie. I've also seen it at Giant Eagle for a little bit more. Vitacost sells a few different brands.

The brand I chose is called Traditional Medicinals. My impression is that this is a high-quality brand with excellent product integrity. The tea is pure Pau d'Arco herb at a pharmaceutical grade level, so you know you're getting the real deal.

The taste of this tea is... just... strong and just very slightly bitter. It isn't a bad taste, but I find it difficult to drink just this tea by itself. That being said, I usually try to mix this tea with another tea with a more pleasing flavor. My favorite combination is Pau d'Arco with Egyptian Licorice, which I purchase from Wegmans or Vitacost (you can buy in bulk!) as well. The brand I chose for this tea is Yogi. It has a very naturally sweet flavor which adds balance to the strong Pau d'Arco flavor. I should mention, however, that it is not recommended that all people drink licorice tea since it raises blood pressure. Since I have consistently low blood pressure, Dr. Conley recommended that I drink licorice tea frequently as a natural blood-pressure stabilizer. I don't mind; it's yummy! :) Other recommendations of things you could mix it with are raspberry leaf tea. I've tried it with ginger tea, which is alright. Ginger tea is a digestive aid, so it seems that mixing these two teas is a good idea, even if the flavor is not the best in the world. I will be reviewing my particular ginger tea in a few days.

Let me know what you think of Pau d'Arco if you decide to try it!