Candida Cooking!

Just photos today. Hope you enjoy the colorfulness!

Working on multiple dishes simultaneously! Chicken salad, freeze-dried herbs, baked cinnamon squash, yogurt-marinated chicken, and roasted garlic.

Parsley, chives, rosemary. 

[about to be] roasted garlic!

Chopped chives and chicken salad!

Last but not least, a clean kitchen... and... my Vitacost order! Almost all of it, anyway. My ginger tea should be here soon. :)

That's all, folks! Happy Valentine's Day!

Love,

Nella Camille

Giving

Before Valentine's Day, thousands of people go out to go shopping to find the perfect gift for that special someone. They really needn't go to all that trouble. They already have a very unique gift at their disposal... but so often it is overlooked, and never given as it should be.

This year, I am involved in a gift-giving process that continues to multiply. So far, I have given my hands to a friend who is having a bit of trouble with her own. I have given my ears to a lady who likes to talk a lot. I have given my very limited artistic ability to some friends who took care of me last year. I have even given myself something--the time, energy, and consideration to prepare healthy meals that I can eat, even going so far as to plan out menus and prepare meals ahead of time.

And the giving will continue. I plan to give my eyes to a lady who can't see too well but loves to read. I plan to give love to another lady who is lonely and doesn't get out too often. And I am sure I will think of other things and ways to give, too.

This gift I am giving... is myself. It is my time, my energy, my talents, my affection, my understanding, and my attention.

It doesn't take a lot of time, energy, or effort to give the gift of yourself. But it means a lot to the one who receives the gift, because it is a personalized gift that can be received from no one else. And, the gift gives back to you. It gives true and lasting joy, knowing that what you did was special to that other person.

What are you giving? What is it giving back to you?

Day 1!

I'm not doing Lent this year. (I never have, you see.) I'm doing something much more difficult. I'm going on an anti-candida diet. As of... today!

As a slightly humorous bit, but also to keep myself accountable to a standard, I wrote this up this afternoon.

     I, Camille W-----, do solemnly swear that from this day henceforth to eat neither sugar, fruit, nor fruit or sugar-containing foodstuffs until my health, conscious, and medical advisory team sees fit to release me from this vow, oath, and solemn promise. 

     I resolve that even when I think to myself, “No one will know,” to call to mind the rememberance, “No man or woman might know. But you will know. And so will the candida albicans in your intestines. And their judgment will be harsher than anyone else’s.”  

     I resolve to starve the candida albicans. 

       Signed with the greatest solemnity,
             CW

Are you participating in Lent this year? What are you giving up, and why are you doing it?

~Nella Camille

Why Your Burden is My Blessing

What's your wake-up routine? Are you one of those people who is a night person, always getting to bed late, waking up tired, and has to hurry-skurry around the house in the morning in order to make it to work on time? Do you drink your coffee on the run, or buy it from Starbucks on your commute? Or are you a Benjamin Franklin type, "early to bed and early to rise," with everything carefully set in order for each day?

I guess I'm a little bit of both. I generally take it easy in the morning, allowing my body to wake naturally, and from then on out following a fairly regular pattern. Get up. Breakfast and pills. Bit of computer time. Make my bed. Exercise. Sometimes walk. Shower. Get dressed. Then my day really starts with whatever food prep, research, writing, or activities I have planned for myself.

I think it's a pretty typical routine for a person in my age and stage of life. There's nothing really that stands out about it too much (except maybe the number of pills that I take). This probably comes across as odd to most of you, but, my favorite part of my morning routine is making my bed. (Yeah, I know. Stick with me.) I know a lot of people aren't too keen on making their beds. But to me, it isn't a chore. It's not a burden. It's a symbol. A right that I have earned, in some respects.

Because... I didn't always used to get up in the morning and make my bed. I used to wake up and just lay there for hours, sometimes days, only leaving it when absolutely necessary. That bed and I used to be pretty tight. No more. Sure, I like my lazy morning in bed every once in a while over the weekend as much as the next gal, but I'm thankful now that when the sun comes up and shines through my window, I can get up and wish it a good morning, say "Toodles!" to that bed for a good number of hours, and live a little.

And I suspect I'm not the only one in the world who is thankful to be able to make his or her bed. Think about this man.

After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda,having five porches. In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had. Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, "Do you want to be made well?" The sick man answered Him, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me." Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your bed and walk." And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.

This Hebrew man went for thirty-eight years without making his bed. Thirty-eight years. I can't imagine. He was probably a paralytic, or at least a cripple. Thirty-eight years with no job but being a beggar. Thirty-eight years without a late-night or early morning walk along the shoreline. Thirty-eight years without dancing, leaping, sprinting, or jumping. Thirty-eight years is a long time.

But then, he is healed. He can do things for himself again. He can not only walk, but he can become a participating member of society again. He can take up his bed and carry it, despite not being able to pick himself up and get into a pool just moments before. Don't miss the detail, because it is important. He took up his bed. He walked. It was a miracle, but it involved a very mundane detail to most of us. But to that man, the act of taking up his bed meant everything in the world. It meant that things had changed.

I write this post hoping to inspire some perspective in you, my readers, who are generally quite well. Your burden--the task you have to do, don't want to do, are putting off doing--is my blessing. What you complain about as an insignificant detail of life, I rejoice in as a sign of healing.

Just remember that next time you straighten the sheets and smooth out the comforter. ~Nella Camille

A Simple Life

Last evening someone asked me a question I haven't quite been able to come up with an answer to: what is your dream job? This question was asked in the context of my current search for employment as things with my last job didn't seem to work out too well, and I'm hoping to have something else soon.

To be perfectly honest, I think I'd have to create a job in order for it to be my dream job. Right now, here is what my dream job description would look like:

1. A relaxed, positive environment in a low-stress situation. This, because it would promote my first priority of healing.
2. A challenge. Something I'm not used to. This, so that I can grow to be stronger.
3. An assignment which can be done in a variety of locations. This, so that I can work outside, inside, at home, or in an office.
4. A low-hours, high-pay job. This, because I'm still an idealist and haven't learned their isn't such a thing. :)
5. A position in which I can feel useful and beneficial to humanity. This, because I love people, and I do love work as well.
6. A supervisor who loves creativity and encourages it. This, so I can express myself daily rather than conform to a mold of professionalism.

My needs are really quite simple. At this point, my expenses are minimal. My view of life has also changed. I used to work, work, work so hard all day, every day. Now, most of my work is quite sedentary, sitting at my workstation in my room, typing away at my computer. But I have grown to love my new, slower-paced life. 

A simple life. A simple job. Simple joys. Simple happiness. That's now what I want from life, in a way I never did before. 

Fact is, I still need lots of down-time to rest after a big day full of activities. I need a morning here and there to just relax, unwind, and breathe deeply. Whether its a winter's morning with a mug of tea in my hand and a novel in my lap, or a spring afternoon spent sitting in the sun at the peninsula, my body has come to crave and enjoy these periods of rest. 

I want to be able to work at a job that can easily become invisible, blending quietly into the background of my life rather than dominating it. I want a job that accommodates my lifestyle of simplicity. It has become important to me. And I don't want to give it up. 

This isn't laziness. It's really the world the way it should be.

You see, I firmly believe that people should taste their food. They should savor every mouthful, distinguishing between the cool, crisp tastes of veggies, the sweet tang of dressing, and the warm neutral flavor of grilled chicken. I firmly believe that breathing deeply is the most overlooked, underrated form of anti-depressants and stress-relieving medication. I firmly believe that the simple act of writing your thoughts in a journal or in a personal letter allow for free expression of emotions which we so often forget to acknowledge. I firmly believe in singing, laughing, dancing, walking, running, splashing, and all the exuberance appropriate to accompany those things. I believe, simply, in living... and in living simply. 

And so, my profound advice to the world? Slow down. 

I found this hard to begin with during my illness. What? Slow down? But the world rests on my shoulders! If I say "no" to this or that, what will happen to this program or that group?

Trust me; it will keep going. 

But if you don't stop, you might not be able to. 

Rest. 

Come home, come home, and rest awhile. 

Simply living, breathing, and being,

Nella Camille

Heal vs Cure

This morning I was thinking about a particular issue and wondering what the cure was for that particular situation. A cure is something almost instant. It grants sure-fire, instant results. Our society is always searching for the cure... But I think there are very few cases in which we have actually found it.

Usually what we discover on our way to searching for a cure is actually more along the lines of symptom relief. We cover up the body's pain signals and declare that the problem has been fixed.

But has it been?

In some cases, yes. Taking Valtrex and slowly killing a virus in order that it can no longer reproduce itself does--after a long time--attack and solve a long-standing problem. But in another sense, the action of taking the medication can give an impression of curing a problem while actually leaving the root unaddressed.

The fact is, there is a reason why cell reproduction skyrockets out of control and mushrooms into cancer. There is an underlying cause for autoimmune diseases where the body attacks it's own organs as invaders. There is a breakdown in the body which is indicating that perfectly normal food is not able to be processed, causing a severe reaction. There is always a reason. The question is, what is that reason? And where do we look to find it?

I really can't answer that question for everyone and all cases. But I can tell you this: there is a reason.

The fact that I know that there is a reason gives me patience on the long road to healing. If I perceived Valtrex as a cure for my chronic fatigue, I am quite sure I would be very discouraged. Because, to be honest, I still have lots of issues that haven't been solved yet. Perhaps this is solely because of the candida overgrowth in my gut, but it seems as though there must be something deeper as relates to my energy production and metabolism that is still broken.

At least I know. This realization has come after a long time and after many reminders, but now at least this truth is on the forefront of my mind.

With this knowledge, I can do battle. I can continue to search for answers and helpful therapies. I've found one in particular that seems to help, and for it I am thankful.

I urge you that if you are dealing with a chronic illness, stop searching for "the cure". More than likely, there isn't one. Some people boast of being able to cure their cancer through this or that, but there is a reason we are all skeptical when we hear such claims. (Such as, well if it was really that easy, why doesn't it work for everyone?) and the reason for our skepticism is because we intuitively know, even if we cannot articulate, that in every body, there are underlying reasons why the body is responding in the way it is.

Cancer. Depression. Chronic fatigue syndrome/myalgic encephalomyelitis. Muscle aches and pains. The common cold. AIDS.

I doubt if we'll ever find the cures. But we can look for the paths to healing. There may be more than one, but it is important to remember: there is one. If the path you're on isn't working, don't give into despair. Try a new one. Take notes of what works. And never give up. Hope may be hard to come by, but at least it never dies.*

Searching for healing,
~Nella Camille

*This last line from Joni Eareckson Tada's article in The Journal for the Christian Institute on Disability, "Hope is the Best of Things."

The Most Difficult Part of Illness & The Most Glorious Part of Healing

Hi, friends and readers :)

By this time, I would most definitely place myself in the category of a recovering CFS/ME patient. It's been a long, hard road. Hopefully this is the last time that EBV says "Boo!" to me as it jumps out of the shadows. It was nice to be able to say "Boo!" to it with vitamin IVs, a vacation in Atlanta, an extended prescription of Valacyclovir (Valtrex), completely cutting gluten out of my diet, and a ton of sleep.

Now, looking back, I'm beginning to be able to pick out the superlatives of my illness. When things were worst, what was worst, what I learned most, etc. Today I want to tell you about the most difficult part of my illness. I don't think it is something unique to me, either, because someone unexpectedly mentioned this in an e-mail as a difficult part of her trial as well.

It's isolation.

Life challenges and changes are, as a general rule, separate us from those we love. Death, moving away, breaking up a relationship, choosing a new life direction, and illness are all common changes or challenges which force us into isolation and separation. In some cases, it will lead to better, deeper, more fuller new relationships, but it really depends on the people you are around in your new situation and your ability to connect with them.

And that's why one of the important parts of healing is reconnection.

Society. To me, it's an exciting word. It's big. It's noisy. It's messy. But that big, noisy mess that can bring pain and shame also has limitless possibilities for love, growth, expansion, wonderment, dreams, and new horizons.

I love to explore it. I have loved exploring it. I've loved every conversation about the inauguration, literature, philosophy, women in the military, bacteria, wellness, weight loss, and doctor's appointments. I've loved every meal, car ride, cafe, and coffee shop where friendships have been rekindled. I've reveled in the phone dates and email conversations with far away friends. I've basked in the sense of new responsibility and independence that have come with getting a new job, depositing my first pay check, making my own loan payment, and using my debit card again.

World, you are beautiful. 

No longer alone,
Camille

My Constant Companions Are in for a Surprise

The past week I have been researching candida albicans, a wonderful little bacteria that has decided to stage a full-scale invasion into my gut. These little buggers feed on my favorite sweet treats, breads, and yeasts and keep viruses, fungus, and unhealthy bacteria alive and thriving. But these constant companions are in for a surprise: I plan to starve them to death. *insert devious grin*

While I've been trying to deal with dietary adjustments due to my many allergies (whiiiiich I never blogged about. Heh.) I haven't had the energy and discipline to start treating my candida, but that's going to change fairly soon. In fact, the more research I do, the quicker I want to begin getting these pesky little energy invaders out of my body!

A friend from church graciously let me borrow some of her candida resources. The past two days I've made it through nearly half of Complete Candida Yeast Guidebook, Revised 2nd Edition by Jeanne Marie Martin and Zolan P. Rona. Martin was a candida sufferer for many years, and Rona is an M.D., and both offer great advice for supplements, medications, and dietary changes to consider in order to make your body an inhospitable environment for candida. Another book, which I am certain will come in very handy when I actually get around to driving out the candida, is The Candida Control Cookbook by Gail Burton. As usual, these three authors have some differences of opinions on what foods are alright to eat while on a candida diet, so I will hopefully navigate the waters of "questionable foods" by trial and error and see how my own body reacts.

I chuckled at this paragraph in the book, and hope you will find it amusing as well.

Some people think that occasional cheating, having ice cream once a or twice a week, for example, is okay. If you wanted to starve someone and fed him or her twice a week, the person might never die. Likewise, yeast will not die if you feed them sweets or refined foods, even occasionally.

So whatever your dieting or weight loss goals are this year, resolve to take them prisoner, and together we will starve these problems to death!

January Report

Hey, friends and faithful readers!

January has been an up-and-down month, as Januaries usually seem to be (for me). It started out with a lot of excitement about my new job working in an office in Erie. Then right after I started working I got a bad cold and so I was back to being a sickie for a while. But now I'm doing better and am excited again about regaining independence and health. I've still been doing normal-people things, albeit my life is still a bit duller than most people's. I've been doing quite a bit of reading recently. My favorite thing to read at the moment is The Journal of The Christian Institute on Disability. It was published by Joni and Friends and sent to me by my friend Molly, who works for JAF in their response department. The journal articles have really been stimulating my thinking in a lot of different ways, and I think I've really benefited from reading them by becoming even more empathetic towards people with struggles I sometimes have difficulty relating to. I recommend it to anyone!

One simple way to show empathy for people with disabilities is participating in JAF's Heart for the Disabled project. If you like making homemade cards, being encouraging, and enjoy mail, you should participate :) Check out this link and the video on this page for more details!

More Normalcy

A few months ago, if you would have looked at my to-do list, it would have looked something like this:

(1) Take supplements
(2) Read
(3) Write letters
(4) Blog
(5) Rest a lot
(6) Watch movies

About two months ago, it looked like this:

(1) Take supplements
(2) Take it easy
(3) Don't screw anything up
(4) Heal

A month ago, it looked like this:

(1) Take supplements
(2) Start walking
(3) Start being more social
(4) Pursue normal-people activities
(5) Continue healing

Now, it looks like any normal person's to-do list... but "take supplements" is still the first thing to do every morning :)

Every month I evaluate where I am and I decide what priorities I need to pursue in order to be more normal and get back to having a typical twenty-something year old's life. I feel like I'm still playing catch up, but that feeling lessens when I look back at the beginning of a new month and see what I have accomplished.

One goal I set for myself in the month of January was to get a job. This is a big step of getting back to normal - one that has to be pursued carefully. I knew that I needed a sitting-down job with not too early hours, preferably in a relatively placid environment. I assumed that this would take a bit of doing to find, but I was eager to start, so I began looking last Saturday online at Craig's List, Erie Times News classifieds, Monster, Snag-a-Job, and a number of other websites. I filled out a number of applications, sent my resume to more than a dozen potential employers, and waited. I got one scam call, and another scam e-mail. That was funny, but discouraging :P

On Wednesday I got a call from a fellow named Andrew Wagner (who said that he pretty much called me since we had the same last name) asking me to interview for his company on Friday. Friday I went in for the interview, that evening they called me back for another interview the following day, and after the second interview I was asked to come in to work on Monday morning. Talk about fast!!

And so, I am now employed part-time as an administrative assistant on the west side of Erie.

And there you have it; another step closer to normalcy.

Excited about life,
Camille