Undeserved Pain, or Undeserved Days?

The prosperity gospel teaches that God gives His children health, wealth, and fame by right, not as a blessing which can be taken away. It teaches that sickness must be a result of sin. It offers a narrow view of grace and a broad view of retributive justice.

There is no more dangerous doctrine for a chronically ill person than the prosperity gospel. The prosperity or health and wealth gospel is dangerous enough to a lost, unbelieving person, but the dangers it holds for a chronically ill person are every bit as grave.

The devil has nothing to do with my illness. If he has anything to do with it (I don't venture to guess I am as blameless as Job and Satan approached God and made a bet he could make me curse Him), his role is limited according to my Father's direction and supervision.

The fact of the matter is that every day that I have is undeserved. I do not deserve health at a young age. I do not deserve success. I do not deserve the realisation of my dreams and ambitions. I deserve nothing. My days are undeserved, given to me by a Father who is gracious and loving.

I deserve hell, condemnation, and wrath. I deserve pain, sickness, and death. But what I have been given is far, far different. I have been given  a God to bless for any healing from sickness and disease that comes my way (Psalm 103:3). I have been given a Saviour, whose wounds provide for my immediate healing and eventual complete spiritual reconciliation and union with His Father as well as completely physical wellness and an eternity in heaven (Isaiah 53:5).

I have faith that God will heal me. I am not standing in His way, preventing Him with a lack of faith. Fact is no one can stand in God's way (contrary to some prosperity gospel preacher's twisted notions of Scripture), because He is sovereign and no purpose of His will ever be thwarted (Job 42:2).

I'm enjoying this day that I don't deserve. Are you?

Appointment Postponed

This afternoon Dr. Conley called me to inform me that the appointment I was scheduled for on Monday would be postponed due to a death of one of his close family members. My first reaction? I am very sorry that someone died, but... having to postpone the appointment might be a good thing for me. Now I have more time to read this fascinating book and understand the research Dr. Conley has poured his life into.

Dear Abba, 

     I pray that you would be with Dr. Conley and his family today. From reading his book, I know that he believes that the world came about through evolution and does not consider himself to be a religious person, but that he encourages his patients to pray as a means of relaxing. I'm not sure he expects me to pray for him necessarily, but Your Word tells me to continually be in a spirit of prayer, and right now, Dr. Conley is what happens to be on my mind. I pray that You would comfort his heart. Give him physical stamina as it sounds like he didn't sleep much last night. Also, please bring this man to understand the Gospel and know and have a personal relationship with You.

     Please help all of the other patients who have been effected by this, too. Dr. Conley sees patients from all over the world, so I ask that you would help them to be able to reschedule their flights with minimal costs. I hope we can still see him soon, Lord, but if not, help us to rely on You while we wait. 

   In Jesus Name,

          Amen.

words, words, and The Word

These are words that have been swirling through my mind as I have been reading America Exhausted by Edward Conley. What words have been swirling around in your mind lately?

I must admit, there is a less admirable set of words swirling in my head. 

Do you have two sets of words? One of hope, the other of fear? If you do, you're not alone. Most of us have two lists of words - two ways of thinking. Sometimes its hard to tell which is right and which is wrong. But when faced with these two options, we must turn to the One Word that makes a difference - to the word of God. We must dig into This Word, and allow It to dictate the words of life to us. We must allow It to be the light in dark places when all other lights go out. This Word must be our Guide, or we will lose our way. This Word must be our Hope, or we will give into despair. This Word must give us life, or we will take our lives in hopelessness and despair. 

Be in the Word today, friends. 

Lookit what came in the mail!

My information packet and book from Dr. Conley's office arrived today! Excited to make the trip on Monday. This afternoon I've spent hours (literally) filling out the paperwork inside this packet. I am hoping, hoping, hoping and praying, praying, praying that Dr. Conley will be able to help me. And I am thankful for the knowledge that you - the people of God and my church family - are praying, too! Thanks for your e-mails and for checking out the blog. It is much appreciated.

Blessings,

~Camille

How I Feel, Right Now

My brain feels inflamed. At the base of my skull where my brain connects to my spinal cord there is pressure. If I sit upright or stand, the pain increases and may begin to throb. There is also throbbing in my temples, and pressure there, too. All my muscles feel weak. My back hurts, my upper arms ache, especially the lymph nodes under my arms, which seem to be swollen. My chest feels tight, constricted, drawn, and I have a stabbing pain in the upper right corner of my chest.

"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end." Lamentations 3:21 & 22.

10,000 Reasons... #1

I don't have 10,000 reasons to share today, but I have one! :) 

As many of you know, I have been researching specialists for a while now, trying to find a doctor who is relatively close by to us who seems to know a lot about CFS/ME, has had success treating patients, and can help me get back to relative normalcy. I rejoice to announce that not only have I found such a doctor, but also that I have an appointment with Dr. Edward Conley in Flint, MI next week on August 13th. I have posted his website before, but, again, you can view it here. 

Please pray...

...for a safe trip, there and back. The drive is five-and-a-half hours, one way.

...for helpful information, and if possible, a definitive diagnosis of CFS/ME, one way or the other.

...for energy to make the trip.

...for mental clarity to explain my medical history to Dr. Conley.

Thanks!

Love in Christ,

~Camille

P.S. Also, if there is someone from Garden Heights who has one available, I am looking for a voice recording device to take to the appointment. Whatever I take will need to be able to record for 2 hours, probably from battery power. So possibly something along the lines of a small cassette tape recorder would be ideal. Let me know by e-mail at ednella.godfollower@gmail.com if this is something you can supply for me! :)

Bookshelf

I want to throw out there some resources for anyone who might be interested in learning more about chronic fatigue syndrome/myalgic encephalomyelitis.

First, a book I've actually read. If you are a believer struggling with CFS/ME, you need to read this book. Juli Andrews' story is remarkable. She almost died in a horse riding accident, but God spared her life. She came down with my DLF EBV while she was in college, and the multiple chemical sensitivities and other infections and diseases that have run their course in her body are heart-breaking. Her father records his daughter's story in close detail, interweaving spiritual lessons he and his family learned through her suffering. Buy Polishing God's Monuments here from the author's website.

Second, a book that is more fascinating and informative than anything, Osler's Web. I read parts of this book in the Spring of 2011 and would love to finish it eventually. It tells many stories about various outbreaks of CFS in the 1980s. This book features original research reported in a journalistic style by Hillary Johnson. You can find it at Amazon. The Master's College Powell Library has this book, for any Master's friends who are interested in checking this out.

Third, The Perrin Technique, by Raymond Perrin, an osteopathic doctor from Great Britain. Dr. Perrin believes that CFS/ME begins due to some kind of trauma creating a structural disorder which prevents fluids from draining properly through the lymphatic system. He has successfully treated many patients through osteopathic manipulation and a set of massages. You can check out his website, The Perrin Clinic and buy the book either there (if you happen to live in the UK) or from Amazon, if you are from the US. On the website there is also an informative video about his practice, including patient testimonials. I have not yet had time to  read Dr. Perrin's book, but my mom has, and I have been doing the self-massages on and off since May. I do notice improvement when I am consistent in doing them as frequently as I should.

Fourth, America Exhausted, by Dr. Edward Conley, another osteopathic doctor. Dr. Conley runs the Fatigue, FMS, and Autoimmune Clinic in Flint, Michigan. You can order his book very inexpensively (it is advertised on his website as being free, but you have to pay around four dollars for shipping and handling). I am looking forward to reading this book because Dr. Conley is the specialist I am making an appointment to see in the near future.

Fifth and finally, a book that I have not purchased, read, nor do I have plans to, but have heard it highly recommended: From Fatigued to Fantastic, by Jacob Teitelbaum. Although, I must say, that if I wanted to, I'm pretty sure I would pay for and read Teitelbaum's book over paying the $5,800 to have a consult with him....! He really must be an expert in the field if people pay that much to see him! You can find it available on his website here.

A rather old photo, judging by the glasses. This was at least three pairs ago. :)

An Unlikely Thing

It is well into the afternoon, and yet I have not gotten out of bed because of tiredness that won't let go. And yet, my heart is very, very happy. Today, I rejoice in the life that has been given to me. I rejoice in the weakness, in the delays, and in the hardship. Because... today... I am delighting in God, in Him Himself. It seems most unlikely that I should be happy, but I have been praying daily, "Satisfy me in the morning with your steadfast love, o God, that I may rejoice and be glad all my days." He has been answering that prayer... one day at a time. And it is an unlikely thing that I should be happy today, but my God delights in making unlikely things - yes, even impossible things! - reality.

"This is the day that the LORD has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24

Photo credit: Me. From a few summers ago. Flowers in the North Carolina mountains.

"I can't imagine..."

It always encourages me to hear that people from my church are reading this blog. It also slightly scares me, too. What will they think? Will they think I'm crazier than I already am? Will they think I'm making this up? Or will it provide a genuine window into my life? After some feedback last night, I was thankful to hear that people don't think I'm crazy, and are really concerned about how I am doing.

The phrases that I heard most often were things like this:

"I can't imagine what you're going through."
"I could never deal with all of that."
"I don't know how you do it."

My first reaction is, to be honest... I don't know how I do it either. In fact, sometimes I feel like I don't really do anything. It God's grace at work through me that enables me to continue with daily life.

My second reaction is... I don't know how some of you do it. I cannot imagine the pain some of you deal with, the situations you find yourself in taking care of elderly parents, or the struggles you face raising your children. I cannot imagine any of those things, in the same way you cannot imagine my limitations and challenges.

This exchange of mutual, "I can't imagines..." reminds me of Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 10:12 & 13.

"Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." 

I am thankful that God does not ask me to bear your trials, and I know most of you are thankful He has not given you my set of trials. But I am thankful (sometimes, right now I am... remind me of this later when I seem to need it!) that He has entrusted these trials, this suffering, to me. He has not revealed His reasons or the timetable, but He has commanded me that it is His will for me to rejoice during this time of testing.

"In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

So as you read this blog, please, don't admire me for my strength. I promise, I have more moments of utter weakness than sheer strength. Don't pity me for my pain. Pray for me, that my faith would be stronger, that my surrender would be fuller, that my heart would be steadfast, and that my gaze would be upward. I am happy to do the same for you. One of the good things about being mostly house-bound with no where to go, no one to see, and nothing to do is that I have a lot of time to pray for people. If you need prayer for something, please, let me know. I promise you I will forget, but I have a journal and a pen that will remind me every day when I look at my list of people to pray for. Leave me a comment, or e-mail me at ednella.godfollower@gmail.com.

God bless you more.

Psalm 130 - Out of the Depths

Favorite lines:

"And all my questions that are unresolved

don't change the wisdom of Your will."

This song has always been a challenge to me since the first time I heard it. Do I wait for my God more than watchman for the morning? Do I wait for Him at all? Or do I stamp my foot, cross my arms, and demand a hearing? Do I cry out of the depths, or remain silent? Do I remember that His mercy covers my sin?

This song has been a good one for me to go to this week. Horace has been around a bit (he's my chronic headache, for those of you who haven't been properly introduced yet) and beyond Horace I have this horrible ache in my brain itself that seems to have started since Sunday PM. Its as though I can feel inflammation in my brain itself... and it hurts! I would be thankful if it would just go away... but that might not serve my God's will and purpose... so I am posting this song as a true expression of the wish and prayer of my heart. I hope it ministers to and challenges You as much as it has me!